


Violent Completion Of Framework

by xRena



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Firsts, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Sexual Confusion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 09:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6074485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xRena/pseuds/xRena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama had to admit, Hinata looked adorable. His cheeks slightly flushed from the frosty air, orange hair even messier than usual.</p><p>“Hi.” Kageyama breathed out, watching as Hinata took a seat in the swing set next to him.</p><p>It was silent for a while, the noises from the rusted creaky chains of the swings mixed with Hinata’s light breathing.</p><p>Plus, Kageyama’s pounding heart all because of this one boy that he supposedly despised-</p><p>“I can hear it.” Hinata whispered into his scarf, looking down at the white snow beneath them, “Can you hear mine?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. True Reality

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! im not sure what to say but thanks for checking this fanfiction out. i REALLY hope you enjoy it and maybe leave a lil kudos behind if you do :)  
> once again thank you!!

**One Year Ago**

Kageyama Tobio stood there stunned as the words from his arch nemesis still lingered, Kageyama still not quite catching what he just announced.

“Kageyama?” His enemy, Hinata Shouyou questioned him. He probably looked absolutely confused right now.

“Wait,” Kageyama started slowly, moving his hand up to his forehead. Did Kageyama hear right?

Was it _true_? Was Kageyama’s worst enemy finally going to _leave_ this place for _good_?

Kageyama had never felt more excited but at the same time confused, he actually didn’t know how to feel altogether. They had been playing volleyball together for a few months but they did not get along well at all. It even made the rest of the squad irritated at times.

Kageyama would mess _one_ thing up and Hinata just _had_ to complain. It made Kageyama furious, it would almost flip out at Hinata, he came close many times but held himself back for the sake of the team. They didn’t need anymore yelling as there was.

Kageyama wondered why Hinata was always like that to him, and only him. Hinata would never yell at anyone else. Kageyama guessed it was because Hinata did not like him whatsoever. They both despised each other more than anything and that was saying something since Kageyama didn’t like many people.

But now Hinata gave him this _amazing_ news and Kageyama couldn’t wait until he was out of his life for hopefully ever. Kageyama wasn’t going to miss him one bit, not one single bit.

”Are you serious?” Kageyama asked, staring down at the shorter boy who would not even look him in the eye.

“No. I’m joking.” Hinata said sarcastically- or well Kageyama hoped it was. Hinata sighed punching him in the shoulder, “I haven’t told the rest of the team.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, Hinata didn’t even have the guts to tell the team by himself but what made him question this the most is why did Hinata go to him first?

“I’m not helping.” Kageyama said like it was the simplest thing in the world, he didn’t have time to help Hinata with his problems. Hinata didn’t even like him, so why would he ask him for help?

“I wasn’t expecting you to.” Hinata shook his head, suddenly smiling brightly. Why did he do that? He always seemed to have a positive mood around him, what did he have to be so happy about?

Kageyama rarely had anything to be all positive about, so he rarely showed a smile and when he did people would be too stunned to say anything.

“Why’d you tell me first then?” Kageyama questioned once more, wanting to drop all of this and go home.

He didn’t want to listen to Hinata sulk about how he will never see anyone of us again. Kageyama was glad he was leaving; the team could relax more and not have to put up with him complaining to Kageyama every second.

Hinata shrugged his shoulders, the stupid smile still plastered on his face. What was the reason for that? Kageyama wished he could wipe it off, he hated the fact he was still so positive and yet he was leaving.

 Shouldn’t he be upset about it? Or maybe he was just as glad as Kageyama was. Maybe he didn’t want to see Kageyama ever again just as much. That would make things easier.

“I don’t know.” Hinata swayed back and forth, letting awkward silence settle between them.

Couldn’t Kageyama just go home already? They already had a tough day as it was.

 Kageyama just wanted to crawl into bed and never have to see daylight again.

“You’re just plain weird that’s why.” Kageyama shuffled past him, trying to escape before Hinata could carry this conversation any longer.

Hinata grabbed his sleeve, stopping him from going anywhere. _Dammit_. _What the fuck more did he want?_

“I want to give you something.” Hinata turned around, facing Kageyama once more.

Kageyama gave him a strange look; they had never given one and other anything at all.

Just dirty looks and bad nicknames, why the hell was Hinata acting this way?

He would usually never even bother telling Kageyama about anything, especially about him leaving so why had he told him first?

“Um-“ Kageyama paused, “I don’t want it.”

“It’ll take two secs.” Hinata pushed, looking up at him brightly. What did he want to give Kageyama so badly? He couldn’t help but be slightly curious.

“Come here.” Hinata beamed, waiting patiently for Kageyama to step closer.

 He hated being any more than a few feet away from him, his positivity vibe almost made Kageyama want to throw up.

Kageyama sighed, slightly stepping forward not more than an inch as he waited more instructions from Hinata.

“Close your eyes.” Hinata instructed as Kageyama slowly closed his eyes. He had to admit, he had no idea what to expect. He just couldn’t wait to get out of here.

Kageyama could just run away right now but he was too curious for that.

Although when he felt sudden hands grab his jacket collar, pulling him down with such force, that he almost tripped over, planting pressure against his lips, he wanted to melt into the ground right then and there.

Kageyama’s eyes flicked open straight away, Hinata was _kissing_ him.

Hinata had _his_ lips _against_ Kageyama’s.

The boy he had hated for months was _kissing_ him.

 All kind of questions went through Kageyama’s head, he couldn’t think clearly. His whole body wouldn’t respond. He felt as frozen as a statue.

After Hinata pulled away after which felt like forever, Kageyama was sent back to reality, confusion written all over his face.

Before Kageyama could say anything, Hinata had already turned the other way, walking out of his sight.

Kageyama breathed out, wiping his lips with his palm like he just got poisoned. Kageyama couldn’t even explain how confused he was, how much he wanted to beat Hinata up for stealing his _first_ kiss.

Kageyama didn’t know long he stood there stunned for but when his brain could register again his feet slowly started making their way home.

Kageyama could still feel the lingering of his soft, soft lips that seemed to not disappear. He hated Hinata; he despised him so why didn’t he feel as angry as he should?

He felt his cheeks flush red, he just _kissed_ Hinata Shouyou. Kageyama crouched down, hiding his blushing face with his arms. He felt hot all over, his heart hammered in his chest.

Hinata Shouyou just kissed him and Kageyama didn’t hate it one bit.  


 

 

Kageyama could hardly sleep last night; he kept having nightmares about that stupid kiss Hinata had traumatised him with. He couldn’t get it out of his mind no matter what and one he saw him, he was definitely going to strangle the hell out of Hinata.

But when Kageyama arrived at the gym, all he saw was disappoint faces of his other teammates.

Kageyama knew exactly what happened. They obviously had found out about Hinata, so that meant he already left.

Kageyama’s heart felt strange; like something was missing.

“Did you hear the news?” Nishinoya called out to Kageyama who was still standing at the door.

“News?” Kageyama acted clueless, like he had no idea in the first place. When he did, all he had in his mind was that _kiss_.

“Hinata left.” Sugawara announced, disappointment rang out in his voice.

“And just when we thought we found another good player.” Takana added with a sigh, stretching in the corner by himself.

“Don’t be like that.” Daichi stood up from his place on the bench, “We’re all good players.”

Kageyama zoned out as Daichi continued talking, he couldn’t concentrate. Just why did Hinata have to kiss him the day before he left?

It didn’t give Kageyama the chance to scold him or well he would but he probably wouldn’t even be able to look at Hinata without wanting to explode.

_How am I going to survive?_

Kageyama thought, rubbing his temples. If only he could erase it from his memory, if only he could erase Hinata from his memory maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling this way.

Kageyama remembered a conversation with Sugawara once, they had been sitting on the bench together after Hinata scolded Kageyama for hitting the ball just a _little_ too high.

“I think I might know why he acts that way.” Sugawara said, taking a gulp of water before wiping his mouth.

_Yeah because he hates me._

It was obvious, what else could it have been?

“Maybe he likes you.” Sugawara suggested, wiping his sweat away with a towel, “I mean, like, likes you.”

_No fucking way._

There was no way in hell Hinata would _ever_ like Kageyama. For one, Kageyama was a _guy._ He never thought about the possibility of Hinata being gay, he knew his family was religious. Hinata had said once that he goes to church on Sunday’s.

If Hinata liked Kageyama, he wouldn’t be yelling at him all the time. If you liked someone, wouldn’t you be the nice to them?

What did Kageyama know? He rarely had crushes in his life. He couldn’t even _remember_ the last time he did have a crush.

“Impossible.” Kageyama shook his head, getting that crazy thought out of his mind.

Sugawara stood up, walking towards the court before flashing him a grin, “Just a thought.”

But now that Hinata had kissed him, Kageyama didn’t know want to believe.

Did Hinata actually have _feelings_ for Kageyama? _No!_ No _fucking_ way. Of course Hinata didn’t like him; he would _never_ like him even if he was the last person on earth.

Kageyama didn’t like him as well but the kiss was _stuck_ in his mind. Kageyama had never thought about guys in that way, he didn’t even know what he thought anymore.

……Was he gay?

Kageyama never really caught himself staring at girls at school, he never particularly paid attention to them, he was too busy concentrating with volleyball.

This isn’t something Kageyama wanted to deal with, he had heard horror stories about people coming out to religious parents and it definitely didn’t end well.

 _No._ Of course Kageyama wasn’t gay, the thought of doing it with another guy didn’t feel right to him.

Then why…

Why did Kageyama not feel bothered by that kiss?

Why did he feel like he enjoyed it?

It was fucking Hinata Shouyou he kissed. If it was anyone else, he would have been completely fine with it. But once again, it was Hinata Shouyou, the short boy that would constantly yell at him, the boy he _thought_ he _hated_.

 _No_. The boy he _did_ hate, Kageyama did not feel a thing for that shrimp of a boy; he would never, ever feel anything for him.

Or so what he thought.

A week had passed since Hinata left and Kageyama still couldn’t get the kiss out of his head, he had tried many things. Like practising volleyball out in his backyard or even going for a walk.

But nothing would get Hinata out of his thoughts; it was like he was stuck with a disease that would not disappear no matter what.

Kageyama hated it.

He found that whenever he closed his eyes, all Kageyama would see was the kiss playing over and over in his head.

It was burnt into his mind. Kageyama had no idea what he was going to do about it but what made it worse was the all these dreams he had.

They ranged from explicit to something Kageyama could handle but man, the extremely graphic dreams freaked Kageyama out _so_ much that sometimes he could hardly sleep at night.

Hinata was in his room, lying on his bed with his hair sticking out at all angles. Hinata’s cheeks were flushed red, Kageyama didn’t even realise he had his own shirt off.

The dream had felt like an out of body experience, he could see himself leaning over a flustered Hinata with a hungry look on his face. Kageyama never knew he could make those types of faces.

But what scared Kageyama the most was when they started kissing, the fact that he saw himself doing it to another guy almost made him want to throw up.

Kageyama felt like he was watching a TV program that he couldn’t change, he’d rather watch 50 Shades of Grey than see himself getting it on with the person of the same gender any day.

Their clothes were slowly peeled off one by one, until there was hardly anything left on both of them except for their boxers.

Kageyama didn’t know if this was what Hinata would look like naked but he almost looked _adorable._

Kageyama couldn’t believe he thought that, he couldn’t even believe he had a dream about Hinata. Especially that he had more than one dream about them coming close to _doing_ it.

Luckily, Kageyama had woken up before they had gotten even close to touching each other in other places, it made Kageyama really question himself.

He wasn’t gay…he didn’t think he was gay.

Kageyama knew nothing about how guys do it anyway, he never had an interested in this sort of stuff so what triggered it? Was it that stupid kiss?

Kageyama wasn’t exactly….homophobic. In all honesty, he didn’t give a fuck whether someone preferred guys or chicks. But when it came to himself….

He didn’t know what he preferred.

Kageyama blamed Hinata; if he never kissed him he wouldn’t be having thoughts like this right now.

_I can’t take this anymore._

Kageyama jumped onto his laptop, before hesitantly typing _‘guys shirtless’_.

Kageyama felt his face heat up as millions of photos appeared before him. He felt his stomach sink; he clicked on images and images. Kageyama admired the curve of their stomachs, their hard rock six packs.

_Fuck._

He was attracted to them, all of them. Kageyama couldn’t help it, they were all so _hot._

“Tobio-“ His mother barged into his room, Kageyama racing to close down the tab of embarrassingly hot guys. Oh god. What would his mother even say if she saw that?

“Hmph.” She shifted her eyes to blushing Kageyama. His face felt even hotter after he realised what he just had been doing

_Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice. Please don’t notice-_

“You don’t have a fever, do you?” She asked, setting down a pile of clothes from her laundry basket before lifting her hand to his forehead.

Kageyama pushed her hand away gently, mumbling, “No.”

Even though he wished he did, that meant he didn’t have to go to school because it made him think about Hinata even more than Kageyama wanted to.

“Good. You don’t want to miss out on practise.” She walked away, closing the door behind to do whatever other laundry things there were to do.

Kageyama sighed, slouching in his chair. He had been slacking on the volleyball lately. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to do it; it was just the fact that he wasn’t used to messing up but then having no one to yell at him for messing up.

Kageyama started to think that the only thing that made him kept going and try was Hinata’s yelling; maybe Hinata was helping him without Kageyama noticing.

Kageyama couldn’t believe he was just staring at shirtless guys. Kageyama was a _guy_ checking out shirtless _guys._

Kageyama felt hot all over as he staggered over to his bed, flopping onto his back. Kageyama covered his face with his hands trying to block out all the gay thoughts. He wanted to convince himself he wasn’t gay, he wasn’t a homosexual but those thoughts crept their way into the back of his brain.

Maybe Kageyama really didn’t hate Hinata but envied him. The way he was always positive about everything even though something went wrong, Hinata never felt defeat.

“Fuck you, Hinata Shouyou.” Kageyama mumbled to himself as he pulled the sheets tightly over his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first chapter complete! tbh im really proud of this fanfiction, i have wrote the next chapters so they should be out in a couple of weeks or so (hopefully you want more chapters? let me know!)  
> have a great week!


	2. Hate The Sin, Love The Sinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! thank you all for the kudos, means a lot anyway, the next chapter is here!!

“Hey, mum.” Kageyama said one night as they both were spread out on the couch, watching some drama show that was playing. Kageyama’s father was out working, he had rarely come home in the past month sometimes Kageyama wondered why.

“Hmm?” She hummed, sipping her wine as she kept her eyes stuck to the TV. Kageyama didn’t care all that much about missing out; he’d only decided to come out here to talk to his mother.

“Can I ask you something?” Kageyama twisted his fingers together nervously, avoiding eye contact with his mother.

“Sure. Go ahead.” She insisted still not breaking her gaze on the current dramatic fight scene between a couple.

A _heterosexual_ couple.

A girl and a boy.

A _normal_ couple.

Which didn’t help with what Kageyama was about to say. Why couldn’t there be some stupid cooking show on instead?

Kageyama braced himself before slowly opening his mouth, “What’s your opinion on-“ Kageyama paused, hesitating before he continued in one breath, “gay people?”

His mother finally flicked her eyes over to Kageyama’s, grabbing the remote off the coffee table to turn down the volume. She turned in her seat, wine still in hand as she gave Kageyama a look.

Kageyama’s heart hammered in his chest as he awaited her respond, was she going to think it was weird that he asked that? Probably, of course she was going to think it was strange. Kageyama never, ever asked questions to her not even when he needed it desperately.

“Why?” She questioned as she finished the rest of her wine in one gulp, placing the glass back onto the coffee table.

“Um-“ Kageyama quickly had to think of a good excuse, but nothing came to mind.

“Do you think you are?”

Kageyama froze in place, avoiding with all his will to not look at his mother’s face. He couldn’t move, the words wouldn’t make it out of mouth.

_And if I was? What would you say?_

 “No-“ Kageyama sweated, leaning back into the couch trying to make himself seem calm but it didn’t work, “O-of course not.”

“There’s nothing wrong about being gay.” His mother said casually like it was everyday discussion, “But the thought of my own son being gay grosses me out. Also I would like blood related grandchildren, that’d be nice. “

That was it.

His mother didn’t want him to be gay. And in all honesty, Kageyama wished he wasn’t gay.

_No. I’m not gay._

Kageyama had told him these thoughts for weeks, pondering over whether he was or he wasn’t. But after looking at all those photos of hot guys, he was convinced that he was.

Kageyama couldn’t help it. He felt a strong attraction with them but with girls, it wasn’t the same.

He didn’t hate girls but he just didn’t like them in _that_ way and it was going to take Kageyama a lot time to accept that.

“-So if you claim you’re not gay, then it’s fine.”

Was she technically implying she didn’t like gay people? Or maybe she hated the idea of her own son getting it on with someone of the same _gender_.

Kageyama’s stomach clenched as he carefully got off the couch, not bothering to respond to her although it made it seem shady, he didn’t care.

He had to stop being _gay_ , but how?

It wasn’t like Kageyama made the decision himself; he still blamed Hinata Shouyou for triggering it.

 

 

**Present Day**

Kageyama Tobio made his way to school in piles of snow; it was only now that he wished he wore something warmer. His hands felt like they were going to freeze off. Luckily he swore his scarf that his mother bought him a few Christmases back. It was black which fit with preferred Kageyama’s style. It had been over a year since that _kiss_ incident. Kageyama had pushed all gay thoughts inside since then, he knew he couldn’t be gay, he wasn’t allowed to be.

His mother even told him so.

Kageyama even dated a girl so he could convince himself he was straight. Her name was Mei, she definitely wasn’t ugly with her crystal blue eyes that could take anyone’s breath away and golden locks that curved around her face.

She had surprisingly confessed to Kageyama during lunch a few months after the incident, he had no idea what to say so he simply told her yes.

Their relationship was simple; they would sometimes hold hands and eat lunch together on the hill.

She was a shy girl, she wouldn’t talk all that much would didn’t bother Kageyama he was practically the same. Kageyama didn’t feel a connection with her, he felt bad for it because she seemed really happy to be with him.

It only made him feel worse after two months of their relationship and Mei had invited him inside, not even surprised that her parents weren’t home.

She was the first one to do it, when they had arrived at the front of her little house; she made the first move.

Kageyama had sex with her.

Nothing.

Kageyama felt nothing, nothing like he did with Hinata. It wasn’t special at all.

It made Kageyama feel terrible, he wanted to escape right then and there. He wanted to somehow make her non-exist so she didn’t have to go through the pain after Kageyama broke up with her.

But then, a week after they had sex, Kageyama had bought up the courage to finally break up with her.

He couldn’t take this guilt any longer.

Mei didn’t the unexpected – something that Kageyama thought no one would ever say to him.

“I think I-“ Mei whispered pulling away, “I love you.”

Kageyama’s eyes widened as he took a step back, carefully pushing her hands away, a slight blush forming on his cheeks.

Mei didn’t love him, she was confused, she was desperate. But Kageyama couldn’t say that to her face, in all honesty, he had no idea what to say.

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama mumbled, avoiding eye contact. He was going to break her heart and he hated the idea of it but he couldn’t be with her anymore, he didn’t want to be with someone who loved him but he didn’t love back.

“I can’t do this.” Kageyama confessed as he saw Mei also take a step back, lacing her hands together, looking down to the ground.

“I get it.” Mei fake smiled up at him, “It’s fine.”

“Yeah…” Kageyama breathed out, turning around slowly before walking back to his own house.

Kageyama had never broken up with someone before, so naturally he had no idea what to say or do but he tried his best to say it as gently as he could and he hoped Mei didn’t take it too harshly.

Even if Kageyama didn’t like her, he still didn’t want to break her into pieces especially after what she just told him.

Did Kageyama regret it? Just a little bit, the gay thoughts started invading his thoughts it even made him distracted with volleyball, he couldn’t even count how many times he got hit in the head from it.

The squad had asked many times what was wrong with him but he just shrugged it off as nothing and luckily they never asked further.

Kageyama’s feet crunched in the snow as he finally arrived at Karasuno High. He really didn’t want to be here right now, whenever he was around the gym, all he could think about was Hinata Shouyou.

Was this going to be his life now?

He knew he was never going to see Hinata again so why couldn’t he stop thinking about him no matter what?

“Yo! Kageyama!” He heard Tanaka yell out to him from the other side, Kageyama stopped in his tracks as he waited for him to catch up.

“Did you hear?” Tanaka asked enthusiastically, jumping up and down on one spot. How did he have so much energy? Especially at seven in the morning, Kageyama didn’t know how it was possible. He felt like a zombie on the inside.

“Hear what?” Kageyama yawned, continuing to walk ahead as Tanaka followed him. Kageyama didn’t really care, it was probably some stupid gossip or something but he couldn’t just tell Tanaka to zip it and piss off, even though sometimes he wished he could.

“Hinata’s back!”

Kageyama froze, making Tanaka bump into his shoulder. He didn’t mean…Hinata Shouyou right? Of course not! Hinata Shouyou was gone, forever and never coming back. Tanaka was probably talking about some hot girl in his class. It was not Hinata Shouyou. It _couldn’t_ be.

Even if it was, it’s not like Hinata would even talk to him. Hell, he probably forgot about the kiss altogether there was no way he could remember it. Hinata wasn’t back, he left.

Kageyama convinced himself that he would never see Hinata again but not just because he left because Kageyama _didn’t_ want to see him again. Ever.

“Hinata?” Kageyama said clueless, turning around to face Tanaka’s surprised but excited face.

“Yeah! Hinata Shouyou!” Tanaka grinned, nudging his shoulder, “You do remember him, right? Who am I kidding? Of course you would!”

So it was _Hinata Shouyou_. The shrimp boy that destroyed his life; kissed him and then left him sexually confused. Kageyama’s face flushed red as the kiss replayed in his mind, the softness of Hinata’s lips against his, the electricity that Kageyama felt all over his body.

Kageyama’s covered his face with his hand, hiding his blush from Tanaka. Kageyama backed away, afraid Tanaka would suspect something, he didn’t want that happening.

“Yeah…” Kageyama mumbled, walking past Tanaka, in the opposite direction. His stomach felt tight. Kageyama had the urge to see Hinata and he had no idea why. Why would he want to see someone who ruined his life? Kageyama didn’t know but he felt like seeing his face again. Now that he knew he was back, he wanted to see him.

 _Did he get taller?_ Kageyama thought as he trudged his way to the front office, which he figured Hinata would be to collect his timetable.

 _What am I doing?_ Kageyama asked himself as he stopped outside the office; Tanaka hadn’t followed him which was lucky. Kageyama definitely didn’t need questioning right now.

But then the door to the front office opened and just as he thought, Hinata Shouyou stepped out.

Kageyama stood there frozen, praying to the heavens that Hinata doesn’t recognise him.

Kageyama definitely recognised him, he still had his small frame and height, it hardly looked like he grew at all. Hinata still had the crazy orange hair that seemed to always be messy. He was wearing his normal beige sweatshirt, black jacket and shorts uniform but what Kageyama didn’t notice was the girl standing next to him.

She was surprisingly shorter than him with blonde chin length hair, for some reason she looked familiar but Kageyama couldn’t quite figure out why.

Then it hit him, she was the new manager that started at the volleyball club her name was Yachi Hitoka. No wonder she looked familiar. Kageyama hadn’t really talked to her much since she started as he was too busy dealing with his sexuality.

But Kageyama felt a rush of jealousy go through him, why did he feel this way? They obviously just met and nothing was going on with them. He suspected Hinata was gay considering he kissed him before he had left a year ago.

Kageyama turned on his heel, deeply afraid that Hinata would notice him. Kageyama didn’t feel like talking to him anymore, he had no idea what Hinata would even say and Kageyama would be too flustered to even speak.

_Talk about awkward conversations._

Kageyama thought as he imagined the conversation in his head-

“Kageyama!?”

_Fuck._

Even his voice sounded exactly the same, it made his heart sink. Oh god, he had to get out of there fast. Kageyama didn’t even stop; he fastened his pace hoping that Hinata would leave him alone but when he felt a hand grab his shoulder, pulling him back.

“Hey.” Hinata grinned when Kageyama turned around, his eyes widened as his heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe Hinata was back. Kageyama truly thought he would never see his face again but here he is in flesh and bone.

“Did ya miss me?” Hinata asked when Kageyama didn’t answer. He was still the exact same height as when he left. Kageyama couldn’t believe it, he didn’t grow at all.

It was like he never left.

“Not one bit.” Kageyama answered back bluntly.


	3. You Can't Deny The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there is some sexual content in this chapter (naughty, naughty kags) just in case you dont like reading that kind of stuff at least u know in advance  
> thanks to everyone who left a kudos/comment/bookmark etc it means a lot! also thanks for just reading this in general. im really proud of this fanfiction.  
> (not the smut im ashamed of that but shhh)

Kageyama Tobio barely survived most of the day; Hinata was in the same class as him. Kageyama couldn’t just ignore his bright orange hair that was in the corner of his eye most of the time. They both had the exactly same classes which also didn’t help.

Hinata even tried to talk to him at lunch but Kageyama escaped before he could even make it to his desk. Kageyama made his way to the rooftop, avoiding all conversation with anyone. He felt sick, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Kageyama’s heart was hammering before he even knew it. _Why?_   Did Hinata make him feel this way? _No._ He wasn’t gay, Kageyama told himself this many times but the jumping feeling in his stomach maybe him doubt it. Kageyama wasn’t confident in himself, he was scared.

Scared to death that he was gay and his mother was going to hate him for it. Even though she said nothing was wrong with it, she also said that she wanted grandchildren implying that she didn’t want her son to be gay.

Kageyama could hardly even say the word gay in his head, how was he ever going to accept himself? He wasn’t. He was going to lie to himself for the rest of his days. Kageyama didn’t care. He could act straight for the sake of his mother; he didn’t want to disappoint her.

As soon as he arrived at the roof, Kageyama collapsed into a crouch, feeling his face burn with embarrassment.

He could hardly breath, he didn’t want to step a foot back into that classroom while Hinata was in there.

The kiss was one in his mind 24/7 and Kageyama had no idea how he was going to get rid of it. Move schools? No, he couldn’t.

There were hardly any schools around where he lived and anyway, he was in the volleyball club he couldn’t just up and leave.

But how was Kageyama supposed to put up with Hinata? He could hardly look at him let alone talk to him. And since now he was back for good, he was surely going to join back on the team.

How would Kageyama handle that?

Kageyama prayed that no one else would come up here, seeing him flustered.

He hoped it wasn’t someone in new.

Especially Hinata.

Kageyama was afraid that he had followed him up here; he had no idea what he would do. Run away again? Most likely. Kageyama didn’t have enough strength to talk to him, he could mention the kiss, he could talk to him about being gay.

Kageyama didn’t want any of that. He just wanted to be alone forever. It wasn’t like he had to get married, he could be alone forever and just adopt. Wouldn’t that make his mother happy?

Kageyama didn’t want to lose anymore of his family, he hardly ever saw his father. Who knew what would happen if his mother found out?

But when he stepped into his house, his bag slang over his shoulder, his mother was nowhere in sight.

Instead, some stranger that he had never seen before was sitting on the couch, browsing on their phone.

Kageyama slowly placed his bag on the floor. Trying not to attract attention to himself, his mother wasn’t home and there was some stranger in the house. Kageyama had gotten no text from her, was something wrong?

The man looked to be in his late twenties – early thirties, judging by the slight stubble that was on his okay-looking face, he definitely wasn’t the ugly type. But who the hell was he? And why was he here?

Panic washed over Kageyama. He wasn’t a murderer right? Surely not, if so he would be out of here straight away. He already had Hinata to deal with, now this?

Kageyama cleared his throat. He didn’t really want to socialise right now but he had no choice. He wouldn’t be able to get to his room without him surely noticing and considering how old this house was, it wouldn’t be surprising if it creaked.

“Hi.” Kageyama said awkwardly, slipping his shoes off as the stranger turned around in his seat, slightly startled.

“Oh, Tobio, right? I don’t know if you remember me or not.” Kageyama winced when he heard his first name being used by a stranger. Really? That was the first thing that he said? Not ‘hey’ or ‘sorry for intruding’

“Ah, sorry.” He nervously scratched the back of his head, tucking his phone into the pocket of his pants, “I’m Kiyomi Kenta, I-uh work with your mother, remember? She was just helping me- she went out to get some drinks.”

Now Kageyama remembered him, he had worked with Kayo for years. Kageyama was pretty sure he looked after him when he was younger sometimes although Kageyama didn’t really remember him much. Kageyama could relax a bit.

“Helping?” Kageyama blurted out subconsciously, whenever did his mother help anyone with anything? She would never help Kageyama in a million years but some person at her work? Yet alone invite them into their house?

“Uh – yeah.” Kiyomi cleared his throat, standing up. He was definitely taller than Kageyama, probably standing at about 6’2.

“Do you know when my mother will be back?” Kageyama asked cautiously keeping his distance from Kiyomi. For some reason, he didn’t like the aura that was surrounding him. It was like Kiyomi could see right into his mind.

“She left about five minutes ago.” Kiyomi informed awkwardly standing by the couch. Kageyama saw no sign of a ring on his finger; did that mean he was single? Or maybe he didn’t wear a ring.

Kageyama sighed of course she had to be out right when he came back. If only she had been here – it would be less awkward.

“Kayo loves to talk about you.” Kiyomi attempted at conversation but Kageyama didn’t care less about what they spoke about. Kageyama couldn’t even believe his mother would let him use her first name.

“Didn’t know.” Kageyama kept his position at the front door not daring to move one bit.

“She was talking to me about-“

“Sorry I took so long, Kiyomi!” Kageyama heard his mother shout as the door opened behind him, he didn’t except his mother to be home so soon.

She had plastic bags hanging from her wrists as she took off her shoes, yet to notice her son standing there.

“Oh! Tobio!” Kayo faked a smile, standing up straight her shoes now next to his own. She rarely ever called out to him like that; was she faking to be someone else with Kiyomi around?

Kageyama noticed that she started drinking more heavily as the days progressed. Was it because his father wasn’t around as much as he used to? Kageyama missed his father, he knew that he made his mother happy but being gone for so long had gotten to Kayo’s head.

What was she planning to do? Cheat on his father with some Kiyomi dude that was much, _much_ younger than her?

Kageyama stepped out of the way when Kiyomi started walking towards them. Honestly, right now Kageyama would rather be stuck in a room with Hinata and that was saying a lot. The thought of his mother having an affair with some co-worker made him feel sick to the stomach.

Kayo placed the plastic bags full of who knows what before turning to face her son, who probably looked paler than anything but she pushed it aside gesturing to Kiyomi.

“This is Kiyomi Kenta; he has worked with me for years and used to look after when your father wasn’t around.” She introduced even though Kageyama already knew. Kiyomi didn’t deny it though, he just went along with it, “He needs some help since he recently got promoted to my area so I’m giving him a hand.”

Kageyama nodded before shuffling over to his room, closing the door behind him. Kageyama was exhausted, mentally and psychically. He had enough.

Kageyama flopped down on his bed, closing his eyes tightly. Trying to block out all thoughts of Hinata, Kiyomi and his mother.

When was he ever going to get a break?

 

 

Kageyama woke from a loud laughing in the lounge room down the hall from his room, he groaned annoyed. At the same time he was happy – and frustrated. He was having another dream about Hinata and this one happened to be _graphic._

Graphic enough that Kageyama didn’t even notice the tent he had created in his pants until he stood up, peeking out of his door and into the lounge room. It was dark outside; Kiyomi and his mother were lounging on the couch with wines in their hand watching some comedy film that Kayo had probably seen too many times.

_How the fuck did a dream manage to make me hard?_ Kageyama tip toed back to his bed, lying back onto his pillows, quickly checking the time.

_6:34PM_ flashed back at him, if only he slept for longer he could just ignore the _thing_ in his pants writhing in pain, Kageyama couldn’t accept it. How did he get so aroused from a _guy_?

Kageyama breathed heavily, his shaky hands picking at the rim of his shorts before pulling them down in one heap, revealing his length that was still covered by his underwear.

Kageyama slowly peeled it away, feeling his face heat up more and more by the second. He _couldn’t_ believe he was going to do this; he had done this since he was twelve and he swore to never do it again.

But here he was right now, just about to masturbate to his teammate – his rival. Kageyama reached his hand out but just before he could touch himself, his phone buzzed beside him.

_From Unknown:_

_yo kageyama, its hintata shouyou btw. daichi gave me your new number hope u dont mind. when the hell did you change it? oh well it has been a while! its gr8 to see u again. we should have lunch tg at school tmr let me kno :]_

Kageyama chocked on his spit, coughing quietly as he picked up his phone. Right now, he looked absolutely ridiculous. He had his pants _and_ underwear pulled down, his length standing up waiting for _some_ contact of touch. Kageyama would die if someone walked in on him right now.

It just so happened that Hinata texted him right as he was going to jerk off from getting hard about a dream _with_ Hinata in _it_.

Kageyama flipped his phone aside, wanting to climax and get this done as soon as possible. He hated this but it was painful and most likely wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

He hesitantly places his hands back onto his length, muffling his moans by biting into his pillow. Kageyama didn’t want to be caught, he was sure of that.

Kageyama started to feel hot all over as he stroked harder, taking in all the pleasure. His mind started to wander back over to the dream, remembering the way Hinata would kiss him hungrily. Hinata’s _naked_ body. Kageyama didn’t even know if that’s what he looked like naked but he didn’t care right now. All he cared about was the pleasure overtaking him.

Kageyama gripped his sheets, feeling himself almost reach his end. He didn’t remember how good it felt to do this but at the same time Kageyama felt ashamed.

Kageyama reached his climax with one last stroke, his cum splatting all over his hand. Heavy breathing filled the room as Kageyama relaxed into his bed, thinking about what he had just done. He got off by a boy.

By _Hinata Shouyou_.

That reminded him, he had to reply to his text otherwise it would look like he was ignoring him. Which he wasn’t exactly trying to well at least he wanted to but he knew he couldn’t. Hinata would bug him about it.

Kageyama grabbed a tissue from his desk, wiping away his shame before dumping it into the bin. Kageyama pulled his pants up reaching for his phone, ignoring Kiyomi’s and his mother’s laughs in the background. When the hell was he going to leave?

_From Kageyama:_

_We never talked on my old number anyway. Lunch? I don’t know. I’ll think about it._

Kageyama sighed, it was the best he could do. He had no idea how else he was supposed to respond to him. He didn’t particularly want to eat lunch with Hinata or anyone in that matter.

He knew his mind would just wander to the kiss if he did have lunch with him. Kageyama didn’t want to get all flustered suddenly.

Kageyama got startled when his door swung open, thank god he just finished doing his business otherwise he wouldn’t know what he would do.

Kiyomi stood there, staring at Kageyama like he knew something. _Oh god, don’t tell me he heard something?_

“Your mother passed out.” Kiyomi addressed, casually leaning against the door frame like he owned the place, “Probably from the alcohol.”

“Right.” Kageyama nodded, standing up from his messy bed, facing Kiyomi.

“Can I ask you one thing?” Kiyomi crossed his arms, Kageyama only realised now how muscular he actually is.

“Uh I guess.” Kageyama shrugged, not sure what he wanted to ask. Kiyomi hardly knew him, why did he act so….natural?

“Are you…” Kiyomi trailed off, looking around the room, “Ga-not into girls?”

Kageyama froze, his mouth unable to move. Why the hell did he think that? Did Kageyama make it that obvious? Not that he was gay or anything.

N-no.” Kageyama stuttered, lacing his hands together nervously, “G-girls are n-nice I guess...”

“No point in lying.” Kiyomi said, walking into his room full on, “I was like that at your age as well. I denied it.”

Wait…?

Kiyomi was…?

“Yeah. I’m gay.” Kiyomi responded noticing the look on Kageyama’s face, grinning, “I’m not ashamed of it though.”

“Okay.” Kageyama said slowly, twisting his hands together, “But I’m not g– into guys.”

Kiyomi shook his head, placing his hands onto Kageyama’s shoulders looking into his eyes firmly, “I can see right through you. Don’t be afraid to be yourself no matter what anyone says.”

_Maybe he was right._

“I’m not into guys.” Kageyama repeated sternly, shoving his hands away from him. Who did this guy think he was?

“If you weren’t then why aren’t you saying the word ‘gay’?” Kiyomi pointed out and damn he was _fucking_ right.

Kageyama shrugged, acting like he was fine, but on the inside he was screaming internally, “I didn’t even realise.”

Kiyomi stepped toward him making Kageyama subconsciously take a shuffle backwards, not wanting to be so close to him. Kageyama hated it. He didn’t want to be gay, how could Kiyomi see right through him like that?

“Look me into the eyes and tell me you’re not gay.” Kiyomi instructed, pointing to his blue orbs then at Kageyama’s.

“You don’t even know me.” Kageyama mumbled, avoiding eye contact. He had an amazing structured face but it was weird to think that right? Considering he was a guy and well way older than Kageyama – or maybe he was younger than he thought.

“I’ve always had a feeling that you were.”  Kiyomi confessed walking even closer as Kageyama shuffled backwards, the back of his legs hitting his bed, “You’ve grown up a lot.”

_This fucking guy._

“You’re - like old.” Kageyama blurted out without meaning, keeping his calm as Kiyomi continued to come closer but there was no more room to walk backwards. It was over for him.

“Twenty five is old?” Kiyomi scoffed shaking his head like it was ridiculous.

Kiyomi was only twenty five? Kageyama felt more sick thinking about the fact that his mother was _trying_ to _get_ with some _twenty five year old_.

She made it pretty obvious with what she was trying to do but she failed in the process and passed out instead.

 Kageyama was glad; he didn’t want to hear his mother have sex at two in the morning.

Too bad for her, Kiyomi was gay but she was clueless about it. Kageyama felt like rubbing it in her face a little bit but there was nothing to gain out of it.

“I’m not g-gay.” Kageyama stumbled over his words, he was practically breathing the same air as Kiyomi.

Kageyama’s stomach churned as he got even closer to his face, lifting up his hand to Kageyama’s cheek.

Kiyomi’s hand was surprisingly cold and Kageyama winced at the sensation, his mind blank with confusion.

_What the fuck is he doing?_

Kageyama’s question was answered when he felt the pressure of Kiyomi’s lips on his; he tasted mildly of cigarettes mixed with wine.

 Kageyama didn’t particularly like it but it felt _good._ It wasn’t like the kiss with Hinata which felt much more electric but this kiss just simply felt _good._

But Kageyama pushed him away when came back to his senses, he felt Kiyomi run his tongue along his lips, trying to get further but Kageyama wouldn’t allow that. He _wasn’t_ gay.

Kageyama wiped his mouth, hating the taste of cigarettes. He wanted to slap him, not because of the kiss but because he thinks he can do that and get away with it? Did he think it was okay to kiss someone who was still in high school?

“Fuck off.” Kageyama spat at him, still wiping his lips, he felt like he needed to cleanse his mouth with soap. It was like he had just kissed an ash tray and then downed red wine, it wasn’t the best mixture.

“I’m trying to help.” Kiyomi finally took a step back, keeping his hands way from Kageyama.

He probably didn’t mean any harm but Kageyama truly felt sick now, he wanted to lurch everything that was in his stomach.

“You don’t even know me.” Kageyama repeated, clenching his fists at his side. Maybe Kiyomi really did want to help him but Kageyama didn’t know if he could trust him especially only having meeting him after so long.

“I’ll be waiting outside your school tomorrow for you.”

_Jeez. That’s fucking creepy._

“Do not.” Kageyama said as Kiyomi started to walk away, hopefully leaving this house. He walked around like he owned the place when it was really his first time here.

Once Kageyama heard the door slam shut, he flopped down on his bed covering his face with his hands sighing into them.

He was definitely not looking forward to tomorrow.


	4. Are We Going Up Or Just Going Down?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! just wanted to thank yall for the support! makes me feel like ive achieved somethin ;)  
> onward to the new chapter!! <3

“Kageyama!”

Kageyama winced at the sound of his name coming from Hinata who ran up to his desk. It was currently lunch time, Kageyama had dreaded the rest of the week but especially seeing Hinata. There was hardly any way he could avoid him, and even if he ran away now he knew Hinata would follow him.

“You’ve barely said a word to me all week.” Hinata whined sitting on the chair of the vacant desk in front of him. Hinata leaned his elbows onto Kageyama’s desk, making him flinch back subconsciously, “What?”

Hinata leaned his head forward toward Kageyama, forcing him to make eye contact. Kageyama desperately wished he could run away right now, he would rather be making out with Kiyomi than be here with Hinata.

“Nothing.” Kageyama said bluntly trying to ignoring his hammering heart in his chest. The kiss flashed in the back of his mind and he immediately turned as red as a rose.

Kageyama lifted his hand out, pushing Hinata’s face away feeling the softness of his pale skin on himself. Kageyama quickly pulled back his arm, feeling his face heat up more. Why did Hinata make him feel like this? Kiyomi’s kiss didn’t make him feel like his at all.

_Why Hinata?_

“Hmm?” Hinata hummed leaning his head onto his palms, “You’ve been acting strange-“

Kageyama looked up at Hinata when he cut off, seeing his eyes go wide all of a sudden. Did he realise something?

“- _Oh._ ” Hinata chortled, smiling up at Kageyama folding his arms down on the table, moving his head back toward Kageyama, “I know why.”

Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat, pushing his feet down on the ground hard, moving his chair back with a screech. He didn’t need this right now, Kageyama had enough things to deal with. He had no time for Hinata. All Kageyama wanted to do right now was calm his heart down but he didn’t even know if that was possible.

“Why?” Kageyama asked calmly, gripping the edge of his seat as much as he could to calm his racing heart. Kageyama felt hot all over just as much as his face felt, he hated this.

_I hate him – I hate him – I hate him – I hate him – I hate him – I hate him – I hate him – I-_

“The kiss, right?”

_love him._

Hinata sighed in somewhat a good way before standing up from the chair, grabbing Kageyama’s wrist dragging him out of the classroom before he could protest.

“Let me go.” Kageyama mumbled with his bright red flustered face, staring at the ground, he hated the way Hinata’s skin against his made him feel.

“No.” Hinata smiled back at him still dragging him along towards who knew where. Kageyama tried to pull back but Hinata tightened his grip, walking faster than before.

Hinata finally arrived at their destination which happened to be on the rooftop, Kageyama was relieved. He almost felt like he couldn’t breath and getting fresh help to calm his heart…kind of.

Hinata dropped his hand; Kageyama subconsciously wiped the sweat away with his shirt.

“I came out to my parents.” Hinata said straight forward, not facing Kageyama. He was watching the tennis match that was happening right beneath them, “That’s one of the reasons why I moved away.”

Kageyama stood behind him, too stunned to move.

Hinata was….

Hinata was gay.

And he wasn’t afraid to say it out loud.

“Did they….did they not take it well?” Kageyama hesitated to talk at first but the words gradually flowed out of his mouth.

“My mother did.” Hinata fumbled around with his hands, “My father definitely didn’t.”

“I’m…” Kageyama breathed out, watching the way Hinata’s messy orange hair blew in the breeze. His tiny, short frame suddenly made Kageyama feel much taller, compared to when he was with Kiyomi, “sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Hinata gripped the railing hard enough to make his knuckles turn red, “My father left after flipping out on me. My mother made my sister and I move to get a new start but-“

“You-“ Kageyama surprised himself, the words just kept coming out, “you don’t have to tell me all this if you don’t want to..”

“But my mother had to come back because she got a job here.” Hinata ignored him, continuing on with his story, “I haven’t heard from my father. All he did was mail divorce papers to my mother that I found without her knowing.”

Kageyama watched Hinata’s back tremble, was he crying? Kageyama’s stomach sank, Hinata was pouring his heart out to him and Kageyama had no idea what to do.

Was he just supposed to stand there and listen to him? Kageyama could easily walk around right now but for some reason he didn’t want to.

“Before he left, he said to me that, he didn’t want to live with his mistake of a son.” Hinata confessed, letting go of the railing to clear his face of tears, “And that it was a sin to be who I am.”

Kageyama didn’t know what came over him but his arms were suddenly wrapped around Hinata who was in front of him, capturing him in an embrace from behind. Hinata felt so warm his heat radiated into Kageyama, despite the fact that it was in the middle of winter. Kageyama flustered red as he realise what he did. Hinata’s arms were awkwardly hanging at his sides, trapped tightly in Kageyama’s arms.

Hinata was so short, that Kageyama could lean his chin against the top of his head but instead he buried his face in the crook of Hinata’s neck.

_What the fuck am I doing? I’m not fucking g-into guys_

_I’m not fucking into guys._

“Kageyama?” Hinata froze up, feeling his breath against his neck.

“I don’t know..” Kageyama trailed off, not be able to stop the words from coming out, “I don’t know what to do.”

Hinata sniffled, slightly nuzzling his head against Kageyama’s, “I’m sorry I kissed you that time.”

“It’s….fine.” Kageyama breathed heavily, his heart hammering once again in his chest.

_You only ruined my life._

“You have no idea...” Hinata smiled weakly, relaxing against Kageyama’s embrace, “…how I feel about you.”

Kageyama loosened his grip, pulling away slowly.

How did Hinata feel about him?

Kageyama stepped back, taking in the words that Hinata just said to him. At the same time, he couldn’t believe his own actions. Kageyama couldn’t believe he just straight up embraced Hinata like they were in some lovey dovey movie.

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama apologised, watching Hinata turn around to face him. Kageyama had no idea it would turn out like this. He wasn’t allowed to like Hinata, or even _love_ him.

_Kageyama wasn’t allowed to be gay._

“What for?” Hinata looked up at him, Kageyama noticed a slight red that formed on his cheeks.

“I like girls.” Kageyama lied and not just to Hinata, to himself as well.

What would it take to _convince_ himself that he was straight?

“I know.” Hinata laughed, keeping a stupid smile plastered on his face, “You comforted me. That made me happy.”

Did it mean that….Hinata liked him?

Kageyama’s heart fluttered as he subconsciously took another step back.

“I’m in love with you.” Hinata admitted casually, the blush on his cheeks going deeper, “I have been for….a long time.”

Kageyama had no idea, this whole time, Suga was right.

The only reason he bossed him around was because he had feelings for him but didn’t want to admit that so tried to cover it by being mean.

“Yeaah..” Kageyama sighed, looking away.

Kageyama could hardly process anything right now; he didn’t even know what was happening.

“Um...” Hinata twisted his hands together, “I know this might be weird but….can I kiss you?”

 

 

Kageyama watched his breath in the cold air, his hands tucked into his jacket along with his gloves. Snow was covering every inch of the ground; there was hardly any way to escape.

“Yo! Kiyomi yelled, waving to him from the front gate.

_He actually came. Why the fuck did he actually come?_

Kageyama sighed, embarrassingly walking over to him. He didn’t want Kiyomi to be here but he felt like he was someone he could talk to about something.

Like a diary that talked back.

“Hi.” Kageyama mumbled as Kiyomi pet his head like he was a little boy. Seriously, what was up with him?

“Hmm?” Kiyomi hummed, nodding to a black car that was parked across the road, “I’ll drive you home.”

“I’d prefer walking.” Kageyama denied his offer but just before he began walking home, Hinata called out to him.

“Kageyama!” Hinata arrived in front of them both, looking up at Kiyomi confused.

_Oh god._

“Oh.” Kiyomi smirked, “And who’s this?”

Kageyama cleared his throat, “Kiyomi this is Hinata…”

“Hinata?” Kiyomi looked over at the shorter boy.

“Yes! Nice to meet you.” Hinata smiled brightly, looking up a Kiyomi with wide eyes.

Kageyama could tell Hinata was confused by the look of his eyes, he looked uncomfortable

“So..” Kageyama awkwardly looked around, “Kiyomi and I should…go.”

Kiyomi looked at him surprised but going along with it anyway. Kageyama knew he would question him later but he didn’t know how he was going to lie, Kiyomi was good at detecting.

“Yeah. Me too.” Hinata said a hint of jealousy in his voice as he started to walk the opposite way, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe.”

“So?” Kiyomi asked once Hinata was out of ear-reach

“What?” Kageyama said clueless, walking his way home with Kiyomi trailing behind him.

“He’s the guy you like, right?” Kiyomi chuckled, kicking the snow as he walked.

_Damn, he’s fucking good._

“How can you tell?” Kageyama asked, not noticing he practically admitted to liking Hinata.

“I don’t know. Maybe the way you look at him?” Kiyomi suggested, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, “You’ve got it bad.”

“Shut up.” Kageyama mumbled, turning around to face Kiyomi who was lighting his cigarette.

“Never.” Kiyomi smirked, blowing out a puff of smoke, “You used to be happier when you were younger.”

“Doubt it.” Kageyama scoffed, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket.

“It’s true.” Kiyomi fastened his pace to keep up with Kageyama who was typing away on his phone, “You were only eight at the time. I was seventeen.”

“You started working with my mother at seventeen?” Kageyama asked, his eyes glued to whatever he was doing on his phone.

“My father owns the company.” Kiyomi admitted, holding his cigarette lazily between his fingers, “So I took the job when I was sixteen. Kayo didn’t turn up until a year later.”

“I see.” Kageyama responded with too occupied with his phone to care. Kiyomi reached over, snapping the phone shut before taking it off him.

_From Hinata_

_sorry i asked to do that at lunch. it was a stupid question. how do u kno kiyomi? just wondering._

_From Kageyama_

_Stupid question I agree. Kiyomi is no one you need to know._

_From Hinata_

_sorry another stupid question. i should stop asking questions, we should hang out again it was nice to let out my feelings but only if u r okay with it i wouldnt want 2 annoy u_

_From Kageyama_

_I don’t mind._

_From Hinata_

_good!! im glad. we can just forget about the kiss thing at lunch right? that was me being all stupid bc i know ill never have a chance, lets pretend it never happened._

_From Kageyama_

_Sure._

_From Hinata_

_thank you!! i guess ur not one for texting u dont seem like that kind of person._

_From Kageyama_

_I guess not._

“You sure are blunt.” Kiyomi chuckled at Kageyama’s lame responses. Kageyama growled snatching the phone back, slipping it into his pocket.

“You’re mother and I hit it off right away.” Kiyomi continued on his story even if Kageyama wasn’t listening, he felt like he should know, “After a while she came to trust me enough to look after you.”

“What was I like?” Kageyama questioned, slowing his pace down as the wind blew faster, blowing his hair around everywhere.

“Quiet but happy.” Kiyomi shrugged, dropping his smoke before pulling out another, “You were gay as hell before you even realised it.”

“Shut up.” Kageyama scowled; turning to face Kiyomi he was laughing his head off, rosy cheeks and all.

Kageyama hated how they talked like they were old friends, they had only met a couple times over the years so why was it so easy to talk to him like this?

“Don’t worry; it was a long time ago.” Kiyomi chuckled, walking ahead of him with his cigarette hanging out of the end of his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i have this story way more planned out than my previous ones which is a good thing. so be prepared for a lot of angst, its my new best friend >:)


	5. These Feelings That Don't Reach

_“Um...” Hinata twisted his hands together, “I know this might be weird but….can I kiss you?”_

The memory ringed in Kageyama’s mind as he tossed over in bed for the millionth time, he couldn’t get to sleep and it was annoying the hell out of him.

Kageyama groaned into his pillow, avoiding all thoughts of Hinata and Kiyomi all together.

Kageyama didn’t know if he could take this anymore, trying to avoid being gay; it was like torture.

He wished his mother never said anything like that to him or he never even asked her about it in the first place.

Or maybe Kageyama got it all wrong.

Maybe his mother wouldn’t even give a damn anymore; Kageyama wouldn’t even be surprised if she had done some things with a girl once.

Just as Kageyama was about to drift off asleep, his phone buzzed beside him.

_From Hinata_

_I’m sorry for this….but talking to you today helped me. If you’re awake I was wondering if you wanted to meet at the park? If not it’s fine._

Kageyama questioned the proper grammar at first but when it finally sunk in, it was like Hinata could almost read his mind.

Could Hinata not sleep as well?

Kageyama’s face flushed red as he remembered what he did today; he couldn’t actually believe he had the guts to hug him.

_From Kageyama_

_Meet there in 15 min?_

Kageyama set his phone down before rolling onto his back, starring up at the ceiling before coming to his senses.

_I’m in love with Hinata Shouyou._

Kageyama waited by the swings, pushing himself with his long legs. It was chilly at night, especially because of the snow that was getting all up in Kageyama’s hair. The moon was practically lighting up the whole park, there was no need for annoying flickering street lamps.

Kageyama literally had no idea why he agreed to this.

What if it was just a joke and Hinata wasn’t really going to come?

Kageyama watched as the snow fell into his held out hands, he had always loved snow. It reminded him most of his father who used to play with him when he was around. Kageyama always wondered where he had gone.

Kageyama wouldn’t even be surprised if his parents got a divorce but he had no idea about it, it sounded like something they would do.

It wasn’t like they cared about Kageyama’s feelings anymore, it was all ‘you’re grown up now; you can take care of yourself’

“Hey.” Hinata’s soft voiced echoed into Kageyama’s ear, he was standing just a little bit behind him, all wrapped up in a jacket and scarf.

Kageyama had to admit, Hinata looked adorable. His cheeks slightly flushed from the frosty air, orange hair even messier than usual.

“Hi.” Kageyama breathed out, watching as Hinata took a seat in the swing set next to him.

It was silent for a while, only the noises from the rusted creaky chains of the swings mixed with Hinata’s light breathing.

Plus, Kageyama’s pounding heart all because of this one boy that he supposedly despised-

“I can hear it.” Hinata whispered into his scarf, looking down at the white snow beneath them, “Can you hear mine?”

Kageyama then realised it wasn’t just his own heartbeat he could hear, it was a mix of his own and Hinata’s.

“Why is it like that?” Hinata asked, clenching his fists together, “I thought you…”

“I don’t know.” Kageyama interrupted, planting his feet flat on the ground to stop himself from moving, “I don’t….know.”

“You didn’t deny it when I asked if I could kiss you.” Hinata pointed out, moving his hands up to the chains, “You’re heart was beating really fast then too…”

_“Um...” Hinata twisted his hands together, “I know this might be weird but….can I kiss you?”_

_“I don’t know-”_

_It was too late, Hinata had already leaned up on his tippy toes, his mouth reaching Kageyama’s._

_Chest to chest._

_Their hearts were beating in sync, Kageyama could hardly process what was happening. He didn’t even say yes – or no for that matter. Kageyama’s body suddenly felt hot all over again, just like it did after their first kiss._

_But for some reason this kiss felt so much more….special._

_It was like they were sharing secrets to each other but in the form of kissing. It felt electric, passionate, much more than just a simple plain old kiss._

_Kageyama couldn’t compare it with Kiyomi, it was impossible. These kisses with Hinata felt so, so much more….deep._

_It made Kageyama feel all warm and fuzzy inside, if he had to describe it to someone, he wouldn’t be able to at all._

_He felt like he was going to explode. He wanted more…._

_Kageyama craved more._

_But before he knew it, Hinata had pulled away, walking out of sight once more; just like last year._

_Kageyama was glad he left, he was too breathless after kissing him he would have no idea what to say or well – he wouldn’t be able to say anything because he wouldn’t have the strength to do it._

“It’s beating because it’s cold.” Kageyama lied, trying his hardest not to look over at Hinata.

What did he call him out here for anyway? Didn’t he want to talk to him about something?

Or was this the _something_?

“Then-“ Hinata stood up, standing up in front of Kageyama, “Will you listen to what I have to say?”

“Uh, sure.” Kageyama watched the flicker of the street lamp reflect against Hinata’s face, making him look like some kind of angel from both heaven and hell.

Fuck.

_Fuck._

_I’m so in love._

“I know that I’ve only been back for about two weeks but...I really feel like I can trust you…” Hinata trailed off, brushing snowflakes out of his hair before continuing, “I got bullied at the other school I went to.”

Kageyama’s heart sank, picturing Hinata amongst a crowd of taller people picking on him, as well as beating him down.

“They found out I’m gay.” Hinata moved the snow around with his shoe, “They beat me up, painted ‘fag’ on my locker door as well as other things.”

Kageyama suddenly felt an unfamiliar feeling run through his veins; he wanted to beat those people up. Who the fuck did they think they were? Why didn’t they mind their own business?

“-I decided to ignore them but…” Hinata sighed, lacing his fingers together, “They wouldn’t leave me alone. Then my mother started to suspect things, why I would always come home with a bloody face and scratches. I told her it was nothing and she asked no further again. I started to get depressed, I felt like I was worth nothing and no one wanted me.”

Hinata took a deep breath.

“I did this to myself.” Hinata rolled down his sleeve to his mid-arm, pointing out a white scar that crossed his wrist.

Kageyama clenched his fists. Hinata tried to….kill himself?

If Hinata succeeded in that, then Hinata would be….dead?

Kageyama tried to imagine a world where Hinata never came back, never saw him again or heard the news of him dying. Maybe Kageyama wouldn’t have completely fallen for him if he didn’t come back but now that Hinata was back, Kageyama couldn’t imagine a world where he _didn’t_ fall for him.

Kageyama watched as a tear slipped down his pale rosy cheeks, right then and there he wanted to hug him again but he held himself back no matter how much he wanted to – he couldn’t.

Kageyama knew he couldn’t be with Hinata.

“Why’re you crying?” Hinata asked, reaching his hand out to touch Kageyama’s cheek.

 “I’m not crying-“ Kageyama stopped himself when he felt warm tears stream down his cold face, feeling Hinata’s glove touch his skin.

Kageyama tried to steady his breathing, looking straight into Hinata’s eyes watching as he slowly leaned in closer.

Hinata didn’t have to bend down far as Kageyama was tall enough as it is sitting down.

Their lips touch and Kageyama couldn’t help but run his fingers through Hinata’s hair, knowing he will be flustered over it later, he didn’t care.

Even though he couldn’t be with Hinata, it didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy this moment right now.

Kageyama deepened the kiss without even realising it, too intrigued by it, which once again made Kageyama feel hot all over despite the freezing air.

They both pulled away at the same time, a string of saliva hanging between them but breaking away when Hinata stepped back, blushing.

Kageyama had never see Hinata’s face after they’ve kissed before, this was the first time he got to see him flustered and breathless.

But they seemed to be both lost for words.

“I-um, I’m sorry.” Hinata breathed out, “You didn’t actually want to come right? I’m sorry I dragged you out here.”

“No – no you didn’t force me or anything.” Kageyama reassured, still breathless, “I came against my own will.”

“Good.” Hinata nodded, hugging his arms to himself, “Its…super cold tonight.”

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask you one thing?” Hinata shuffled around in jacket, waiting for a response.

“Yeah.”

“If you like girls,” Hinata took a deep breath, “Then why’d you let me kiss you, three times?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like me?” Hinata whispered into the cold night, ever so softly that Kageyama barely even heard it.

“I don’t want to be with you.” Kageyama’s fist clenched together, his heart aching at every word, “More like I can’t be with you.” Kageyama whispered his last words, hoping that maybe Hinata didn’t hear an inch of it.

“Yeah...” Hinata half-smiled down at Kageyama, “Who would want to be with a lonely person that comes with a messed up family?”

“Hinata…”

“No. I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have said that.” Hinata fumbled with his hands, “I should probably go. Can I text you…tomorrow?”

“Yeah – o-okay sure.” Kageyama stumbled, standing up from his place on the swing set, now towering over Hinata.

“Would you…like to hang out on Sunday?” Hinata began talking again before Kageyama could even fit in a word, “I-I mean you really don’t have to – if you don’t want to…”

“I’ll think about it.” Kageyama nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets, suddenly feeling _very_ tired.

“I guess I’ll see you later?” Hinata started to walk backwards, heading his direction home.

“Y-yeah sure.” Kageyama waved slightly, watching as Hinata turned around on his heel, walking into darkness.

 

 

 

As Kageyama quietly made his way back into his room, trying not to disturb his mother but when he peeped to look through into her room, the bed was empty. The sheets were messy and the lamp was on, Kageyama’s heart stopped. He looked around, trying to see any signs of his mother.

_Where the fuck did she go?_

Kageyama opened the door to his room to find his mother sitting on his bed, with tears in her eyes, gripping his bedcovers making her knuckles turn red.

“Tobio!” Kayo stood up, grabbing her sons’ shoulders full on crying now, “I thought you left.”

“W-what?” Kageyama felt so confused, his mother rarely ever woke up during the night – why was she acting like this?

Kayo squeezed his shoulders, tears streaming down her face, “I-I thought y-you left me. Like your f-father.”

“What are you talking about?” Kageyama pulled on her arms, trying to get her to explain herself, “I went for a walk.”

Kayo pulled away, wiping her tears with her sleeve, “I miss your father.”

“I know.”

_You couldn’t make it anymore obvious._

“Why would he leave?” Kayo cried, fresh tears fall down her face, “I loved him. I-I still do.”

“I know you do.” Kageyama sighed, wanting to crawl into bed and never wake up but that definitely wasn’t an option right now.

“Don’t leave.” Kayo sobbed, looking up at Kageyama with pleading eyes. Kageyama had never even thought about leaving his mother, he didn’t hate her but sometimes she was full of herself and didn’t think of her own son, “Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not.” Kageyama said bluntly, shaking her off his arm she started to cling on, he could smell the faint alcohol on her.

_Ah, that would make sense._

Kageyama finally had gotten his mother to bed, after a least an hour of trying to calm her down she passed out on the floor of his bedroom, tears still streaming down her face.

Kageyama quickly checked his phone, realising he had one message waiting for him.

_From Hinata:_

_Goodnight._

_< 3_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourself for the angst in upcoming chapters ;)  
> thank yall for reading <3


	6. All The Crooked Smiles Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst begins, prepare yourselves!! <3

Kageyama woke up to the sun shining right into his eyes, hearing a mix of voices coming from the lounge room. Surprised his mother wasn’t leaning over the toilet throwing her guts out from a hangover.

Kageyama leaned over to check his phone, ignoring Hinata’s message from last night.

_9:34am._

Who the hell would Kayo have over this early? Kageyama jumped up pulling on black shorts, checking himself in the mirror before he tucked his phone into his pocket.

Kageyama walked out to the smell of pancakes and syrup; his mouth watering straight away. It had been a long time since Kageyama had smelt this smell.

“Morning.”

Kageyama noticed Kiyomi sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hands along with a smirk on his face, eyeing Kageyama’s sleepy state.

_Why the fuck is Kiyomi here?_

Kageyama flipped him off before turning to his mother. She looked in a normal state; her dark hair thrown up into a bun.

Kageyama would’ve never have guessed she was crying her eyes out last night.

“Morning, Tobio.” Kayo didn’t turn around as she scooped the pancakes onto a plate, before covering them in syrup.

“Why is he here?” Kageyama whispered, pulling a glass from the cupboard, filling it to the brim with water.

“Don’t be rude.” Kayo scowled, turning to look at her son, “I don’t want him here as much as you do.”

“Hm. I’m sure he would love to hear that.” Kageyama rolled his eyes, taking a gulp of his drink, walking back out to where Kiyomi was relaxing on the couch.

“Nice look.” Kiyomi placed his coffee down gesturing to Kageyama’s bed hair, “Going to it show off to that short orange haired boy?”

“Shut up.” Kageyama rolled his eyes, walking swiftly pass him into his room.

_From Kageyama_

_Do you want to hang out today instead?_

Kageyama ran his fingers through his hair, thinking about what he sent to Hinata, and so early in the morning as well.

What if he was still sleeping?

What if he was in the middle of something important?

Kageyama felt relief when his phone buzzed almost straight away; signalling that he got another message

_From Shuya_

_Kageyama, I’m sorry that I haven’t been home in forever. I beg, please don’t tell your mother about this message; if she knew I was making contact with you, I know she would break down. Can we meet? Today? I understand if you don’t want to but I want to speak to you._

Kageyama subconsciously sat back down on his bed, processing what he read.

_A message from my father?_

_What the fuck is this all about?_

Obviously, Kageyama would want to see his father – who wouldn’t after so long? But at the same time, he would feel bad for not letting his mother know he was in town.

 _Fuck it._ Kageyama thought as he threw fresh clothes on.

 

 

Kageyama made his way through the park, trying to avoid little screaming kids running around everywhere with their parents trying to make them quiet.

Kageyama tucked his hands into his pockets, waiting under a tree for his father’s face to appear somewhere amongst the kind-of-crowd of people. But instead, his eyes saw a bright orange colour of hair.

_Of fucking course._

It wasn’t _just_ Hinata, it was Hinata _and_ a small Hinata, a girl version. Hinata was holding hands with her whilst they walked through the park

_From Kageyama_

_I can see you. Is that your sister with you?_

Kageyama watched as Hinata pulled out his phone, reading the message before whipping his head around trying to find where Kageyama was watching him until Hinata’s eyes finally rested onto his.

Hinata blushed slightly as he pulled his sister into the direction of Kageyama, making sure to remain eye contact.

“Hi.” Hinata mumbled once he was close enough for Kageyama to hear, “This is my sister, Natsu.”

“Hi.” Kageyama looked down at Natsu – who was twice as short.

She giggled, hiding slightly behind Hinata, “Hi.”

“She’s like this with everyone. Don’t worry.” Hinata reassured, patting Natsu’s head.

She had the same wild orange hair just like her brother – she looked adorable.

“I don’t blame her.” Kageyama breathed, noticing the way his eyes keep flicking back over to Hinata. He truly did have an amazing face – how did Kageyama not ever realise this?

Kageyama almost forget the real reason why he was actually outside on a Saturday. Usually he would be locked in his room working on whatever was due the next week for school.

“Did you get home alright?” Hinata asked casually, moving to stand beside him.

“Yeah.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

Natsu tugged on Hinata’s sleeve pulling him down to her height, “Can I go play?” Natsu pointed over to the playground were a bunch of kids were climbing all over, yelling their heads off.

“Sure thing.” Hinata ruffled her hair as she ran off over to the swings.

The swings.

The place they met last night.

It was strange to see it so full of people, unlike last night when it was just Hinata and him.

“I don’t understand why people come to the park in the freezing cold.” Kageyama mumbled, subconsciously tucking his hands into his pockets.

“I like it.” Hinata admitted, “It’s refreshing.” Hinata smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Kageyama’s heart skipped a beat – _God_ \- even his smile was incredible. How was Kageyama so blind? Everything about him seemed so perfect, although he didn’t think so. Kageyama didn’t care about what happened with his family. All he cared about was making sure he was happy.

Kageyama wished he knew at the time how he was feeling because after trying to kill yourself how could someone smile so lightly?

After being beaten up and pushed around why did he seem so happy with himself? In reality, Hinata was probably hurting behind that smile, all this anxiety in his heart that he’s trying so desperately to hide.

“Tobio?”

Kageyama turned to see his father, with an expressionless face. He looked the same as he did when Kageyama last saw him but a lot more….mature.

“Shuya?” Kageyama spoke his name like it was the easiest thing in the world. He had never been one to call him ‘father’ or ‘dad’. He was the least father kind of person to him in the world.

“It’s been a while.”

_Yeah no shit._

“Hey –“ Hinata whispered over to Kageyama, “I’m going to check on Natsu, okay?”

Kageyama nodded, understanding he was trying to stay away from this conversation. Once Hinata was out of ear shot, Shuya spoke up again.

“Who was that?”

“No one.”

Shuya bit his lip, awkwardly standing next to his son. Kageyama couldn’t take this, how could he just invite him out but say nothing at all?

“I have something to tell you.”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t hate me.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama rolled his eyes, whatever it was, he was sure he was going to hate him either way.

“Don’t tell your mother.”

“She would deserve to know. Don’t you think?” Kageyama questioned, noticing he was still wearing his wedding ring.

“I don’t want her to hate me.”

Kageyama stayed silent, because she didn’t hate him at all – Kayo still loved him and Kageyama had no idea why.

“Go on.” Kageyama crossed his arms his impatience slowly rising.

“I found…” Shuya sighed, “I cheated on your mother.”

Kageyama gripped his hands together, trying to keep his calm from yelling at him. Kageyama wasn’t even surprised – it sounded like something he would do.

“I have been – for years.” Shuya hung his head, “I’m not proud of it. I thought it was going to be one time but…I fell in love.”

“Is that it?” Kageyama’s voice was blunt and expressionless.

“No I-“ Shuya sighed, “She got….pregnant.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Kageyama swore, tempted to now yell at him but tried to keep his cool as much as he could.

“I’m sorry.”

“Like that’ll fucking help.” Kageyama stepped back, waving his hand at him, “Just stay away from me.”

“I will, I will I just,” Shuya pulled out folded papers from his pockets, handing it over to his son.

“I already know what this is.” Kageyama spat, shoving the papers back into his hands, “If you want a divorce, talk to her yourself. I’m not going to be a part of this.”

“Please. Help me.” Shuya begged, holding the papers back out.

“Help you?” Kageyama scoffed, “What have you ever done for me?”

“Whatever. But being married to me will just hurt your mother even more.” Shuya tucked it into his pockets, walking into the opposite direction.

Kageyama couldn’t believe him, he got a girl pregnant? Someone he _didn’t_ even fucking _love_?

 _Well_ , Kageyama couldn’t say much. He did have sex with a girl he didn’t particularly like and felt bad for it but at least he wasn’t an asshole about it.

“Who was that?” Hinata’s voice came from behind him; Natsu was once again by his side.

“Uh – don’t worry.” Kageyama pushed it aside trying not to think about his family drama right now. He needed to be distracted from everything.

“Okay.” Hinata replied squeezing Natsu’s hand tightly.

“Onii-chan! That hurts!” Natsu cried ripping her hand from his.

“Sorry.” Hinata mumbled, keeping his gaze on Kageyama.

“So uh-“

“Do you want to come over?” Hinata asked in one breath, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

“Y-you mean come over as in your h-house?” Kageyama stumbled in surprise, searching through Hinata’s eyes but found nothing.

“Only if you want to.” Hinata shrugged waiting for a response.

“I mean I-I guess if it’s okay.” Kageyama rubbed the back of his neck feeling unsure whether this was a good idea or not.

_I guess it wouldn’t hurt._

 

“I’m home!” Hinata called out as he took his shoes off. A person that looked very much like him – popped their head around the corner.

“Welcome home! – oh, who’s this?” The lady asked, coming out with a stained apron on – hands covered in flour.

“This is Kageyama Tobio.” Hinata cut in before Kageyama could say anything, “He’s my…friend.”

“Oh? _Friend_?” She raised her eyebrows giving her son a look.

“Mum!” Hinata whined as she just laughed. Kageyama watched them, laughing so freely like nothing was wrong. How did they manage that?

“Sorry, Kageyama.” She smiled, “I’m Noriko Hinata. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Kageyama bowed awkwardly, slipping his shoes off next to Hinata’s.

“C’mon.” Hinata grabbed onto Kageyama’s wrist pulling him half way across the room before Noriko stopped them.

“Nuh uh,” Noriko shook her head, “If you go into your room, make sure to leave the door open.”

“Mum!” Hinata groaned once again, blush forming all the way up to his ears.

“Hin-Shouyou and I aren’t like that.” Kageyama announced in a mumble, embarrassingly. Blush was also rising on his cheeks.

“It’s fine.” Noriko grinned, “Have fun.” She walked back around the corner – assuming into the kitchen.

Kageyama was surprised how clean his house was – it definitely was slightly bigger than his. It looked much more organised and alive than Kageyama would’ve ever imagined.

Kageyama suddenly felt embarrassed about his own house as there were spider webs in every corner and at least some stain or cracks in the tiles and carpet. His mother was definitely not one for cleaning unlike Noriko. She was much more stable even without a husband especially having two kids and not just one.

When they arrived into Hinata’s room, Kageyama wasn’t surprised it was as neat as the rest of the house. It was simple; nothing exciting. A volleyball in the corner with a few jackets hung behind the door.

And his bed.

Hinata quietly closed the door behind them making his way over to the bed, sitting down awkwardly letting the silence hang between them.

“So – um, I know this might be invading your privacy but, if you don’t mind me asking, who was that you were talking to?” Hinata looked up at him, Kageyama leaned against the wall. It wouldn’t hurt to tell me. He didn’t spill the whole bullying and the thing with his father. Hinata obviously trusted him so….Kageyama would too.

“He was my father.” Kageyama informed, “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Oh.” Hinata breathed, waiting for Kageyama to continue on.

“H-he wanted me to give divorce papers to my mother.” Kageyama whispered, leaving out the cheating and pregnant part, he felt like it didn’t need to be included.

“That’s – that’s harsh.” Hinata rose from his spot stepping towards Kageyama.

“P-pretty harsh.” Kageyama struggled to calm his breathing noticing how close Hinata was coming.

“I-if I kiss you and you don’t push away, does that mean you accept me?” Hinata murmured, reaching his hand, stroking Kageyama’s cheek so, so gently he could barely feel it.

“I can’t be with you.” Kageyama’s eyes filled with unplanned tears. His heartache every time he had to say it. Kageyama had come to his senses. He liked Hinata. Even more than liked, he was in _love_ with him.

But the thing stopping him?

Society.

School.

His mother.

His father.

It was all too complicated.

No matter how much he wanted it.

Kageyama didn’t know if it would be worth it. Even though they could easily hide their relationship, Kageyama would be too paranoid too even touch him.

Hinata was all up for it, or well, so it seemed. He was willing to sacrifice everything to be with him? If the whole school found out he would be bullied again, he would have to go through all that pain for the second time. It was almost amazing but _ridiculous_ how Hinata would endure that all for him.

All for love.

“I don’t care. As long as you know that I’m in love with you.” Hinata reminded, smiling up at him sadly, “You know, you never answered my question. All you’ve told me is ‘I don’t know’ but…I feel like you do know.”

“It isn’t right.” Kageyama pushed his hand way trying not to make this hurt more than it already had, “We aren’t right – it wouldn’t work.”

“How do you know that?” Hinata snapped, emotion arising in his voice, “When you won’t even bother trying?” Hinata’s eyes filled to the brim with tears making Kageyama instantly feel bad.

He hated not seeing a smile on his face.

And it made it even worse that he was the one that made his smile fade.

“Don’t you realise h-how much it hurts?” Hinata sobbed, full on crying while Kageyama stood there dumbfounded. He felt like crying himself.

Instead, he pulled the shorter boy into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around him. Kageyama was enveloped with warmth as he felt Hinata’s hot tears against him.

“I hate you.” Hinata cried, gripping onto Kageyama’s shirt as his tears dripped, “I h-hate you.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama whispered, holding Hinata as close as he could like he was something precious – a treasure.

Hinata was a rare treasure that Kageyama couldn’t reach out too because he was expensive – far, far from himself.

Someone he could never catch up too.

 

As Kageyama walked home with a tear-streamed face and a broken heart, he noticed an unfamiliar car parked outside his house. Kageyama thought nothing of it as he walked into the living room to find people he never expected to be at his house.

“Tobio!”

Kageyama glanced over at Mei – his ex-girlfriend – whom was sitting with her mother in the corner.

A sudden sting numbed his right cheek as processed what just happened. His mother – slapped him with a pissed off look.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Kayo spat at him, pointing over at Mei, “Getting an innocent girl pregnant? What the fuck were you thinking?”

Right then and there, Kageyama had never felt so disgusted with himself.

It felt like his whole world had just collapsed in the blink of an eye as he wished to god that he would wake up right now.

But he didn’t.

This was reality.

He raised his hands to his red marked cheek, knowing he deserved it this for his mistake.

Kageyama never even thought for a second about this kind of thing.

He got an innocent seventeen year old girl pregnant. Meaning – she was going to have to birth a child – having to go through months of pain and regret.

All because of him.

All because of one stupid mistake.

All because Kageyama’s was _stupid_ enough to think that he was lucky – that this was never going to happen to him.

“You should be fucking ashamed.” Kayo swore, thumping him on the head, “I thought I raised you better than this.”

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Kageyama was shaking, he felt cold, he felt alone, he felt unwanted, “I’m s-so sorry.” Kageyama collapsed on the floor in tears, wishing he was strong enough to hold this all in – especially in front of everyone. He couldn’t.

It was his entire fault.

Everything.

Everyone blamed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip theres much more angst coming ur way!! thanks yall for reading once again <3


	7. Mistakes You Can't Undo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall in for a roller coaster of angst

“Kageyama?” Hinata yawned over the phone, wonder why he was calling so early in the morning. They rarely called each other, it was mainly little text messages here and there.

“Can we talk?” Kageyama tried to cover up his crying; by hiding it with a cough. He had been crying all night and barely gotten any sleep after what happened. He didn’t know what to do and he was afraid.

“Uh- sure. When?”

“Now? Like in 10 minutes at your house?” Kageyama said in a rush, desperately wanting to see him.

“Sure. No one’s home.”

“Thank you.”

Kageyama flipped his phone shut, peeping out the door making sure no one was up. He didn’t want to risk waking up his mother whom passed out from too much alcohol the previous night. It was all because of Kageyama.

He was going to be a father.

He didn’t want to be a father and it was his entire fault.

Kageyama ran his fingers through his hair, sighing angrily as he threw fresh clothes on. Unlocking his window, stepping outside in the cold bliss. Kageyama now wished his was running away but he knew he couldn’t leave his mother no matter what.

 

 

Hinata was already waiting outside his house by the time he arrived. Kageyama felt bad once he realised the bags hanging under his eyes. He probably forced himself out of bed just for him.

“Hey-“

Kageyama cut him off, pulling him into a tight hug. The tears falling before he even realised it. He buried his face into Hinata’s neck, not even caring if anyone saw them. It was worth it for the comfort of his arms.

“K-Kageyama?” Hinata tried to pull away to see his face but fail in the process as Kageyama tightened the grip on him.

“I fucked up.” Kageyama whispered, his voice cracking, “I fucked up so bad.”

“We all fuck up.” Hinata mumbled pulling at his shirt from behind, “Trust me. I’ve fucked up a lot.”

“No, no, no.” Kageyama repeated, shaking his head, “Not like this. Not at all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hinata felt the thumping of Kageyama’s heart against his.

“Don’t hate me. Please.” Kageyama spoke quietly, sounding like his own father.

“I could never.” Hinata reassured, struggling to talk from Kageyama’s grip, “Kageyama you’re hurting me-“

“You like me right?”

“What’s up with you?” Hinata struggled to push him away no matter how much he enjoyed Kageyama’s affection.

“Even if I’m going to be a father, you would still like me?” Kageyama sobbed out not wanting to see the reaction on Hinata’s face.

Hinata felt his breath tickle his neck mixing with hot tears. Hinata was stunned. No words would escape his mouth. Kageyama was going to have a child?

“What…what are you talking about?” Hinata fake laughed as tears brimmed his eyes, making his vision blurry, “How is that possible? I mean- _oh_.”

Hinata remembered after a few days he had arrived back, Tanaka had told him about everything that happened. Including the part where Kageyama got a girlfriend for a couple of months.

“I don’t even love her, Hinata.” Kageyama croaked, slightly pulling away despite his face being covered in tears.

“It’ll be okay.” Hinata cooed reaching up to wipe away his tears, “You’ll be okay.”

“Y-you don’t hate me?”

“No. Of course not.” Hinata smiled sadly, “It’s not like we’re together.”

“But I got a girl pregnant who’s too young, who I don’t even love.” Kageyama released Hinata completely, wanting to hit himself.

Hinata frowned, rubbing Kageyama’s arm back and forth, “Is she…giving it up for adoption?”

Kageyama shook his head “H-her mother believes that a child should grow up with its own parents.”

_You really have fucked up bad_ Hinata thought to himself, not daring to say it aloud. He wasn’t mad at Kageyama, but he definitely fucked up, big time.

“It’s all my fault.” Kageyama letting more tears fall, gazing at the ground, “Everyone blames me.”

“It’s not your fault.” Hinata reassured, lifting his hand to caress his cheek, “It’s no one’s fault.”

It was the first time Hinata had seen Kageyama cry before. It was an interesting sight but Hinata didn’t know if his heart could handle it.

He had rarely seen Kageyama smile either; he didn’t know which one would ruin his heart more.

“M-my mother yelled at me.” Kageyama sniffled, looking down at Hinata, “She hasn’t talked to me since.”

Hinata sighed, his heart aching for the boy he was hopelessly in love with, “I’m sorry.”

_If I could take away your suffering I would._

Kageyama took a deep breath, wiping his face clear of hot tears.

“That was embarrassing.” Kageyama mumbled realising he had the whole breakdown in the middle of the street.

Hinata grabbed his hand, tugging on his arm, “Let’s go inside.”

 

“Where’s your mother?” Kageyama shuffled around awkwardly while Hinata moved around in the kitchen, doing whatever.

“Work. Natsu likes to go with her.” Hinata pulled two mugs from the cupboard then moving from one to the other.

“Oh.”

“Hey.” Hinata turned to him, “Are you okay?”

Kageyama wasn’t and he knew that all too well. But he didn’t want to worry Hinata about it. He had nothing to do with it and getting him involved further would surely be troublesome. Even though he felt like he could trust Hinata, he didn’t want to drag him down with him.

“Fine.”

“I like you.”

Kageyama’s face flushed red, looking away from him, “Wh-what was that for?”

“I like you a lot.” Hinata repeated, continuing on making drinks, “I just wanted to remind you.”

“Yeah...” Kageyama breathed out, running his hands through his hair as he watched Hinata’s moments around the room. The way he had to stand up on his tippy toes to reach the cupboard, his shirt rising just a little bit above his waist revealing his stomach. The way his hands swiftly moved around the place. And his lips, they looked so soft and kissable-

“Why’re you staring at me?” Hinata mumbled, holding a cup of what looked like coffee out to him.

_So cute…_

“What?”

_Fuck._

_Did I say that out loud?_

“Uh-“ Kageyama awkwardly took the coffee from his hands

“You think I’m…cute?” Hinata blushed, clenching the mug in his hands, “I’m no girl, dumbass.”

“I-I know.” Kageyama gulped.

_If you were, it’d be much easier to love you._

“You know.” Hinata paused, taking a sip of his drink, “I did actually have a friend when I moved.”

Kageyama looked down at him, surprised that he didn’t push any further about calling him pretty. He was glad; he wouldn’t know how to explain himself.

“R-really?” Kageyama stuttered. He wasn’t good at opening up with people, so he wondered why he always let himself let everything out with Hinata. And why did Hinata trust him so much?

“Yeah. His name was Kenma.” Hinata explained, “We were getting along really well until…he got in an accident.” Hinata placed his cup down, his hands starting to shake. “A car accident. He lost his memory, he didn’t remember me.”

Kageyama held himself back, wanting nothing more than to embrace him until he couldn’t breathe, to let him cry into his shoulder for as long as he wanted, to kiss him until his lips went numb, to tell him how much he wanted to be with him, to whisper in his ear how much he liked him.

It sounded like a dream.

“Don’t pity me.” Hinata flashed a fake smiled, “I just wanted to tell you.”

“You deserve someone better.” Kageyama whispered, not thinking about what was coming out of his mouth, “I don’t get why you like me so much.”

“Why would you say that?” Hinata spoke out, “You’re worth more than you think.”

Kageyama’s heart fluttered. What did he mean by ‘worth’? No one had ever taken an interest in him before unless it was Mei or Hinata. Other than that; no one had even confessed to him.

“Don’t tell me you don’t notice all those girls staring at you at school?” Hinata gaped, “You’re so…hot how…”

“H-hot!?” Kageyama sputtered, “Like fucking hell I am.”

“Trust me. You’re hot. Girls are too afraid to ask, you’re terrifying. I mean I was surprised to hear a girl actually asked you out.” Hinata explained casually, seeing the look on Kageyama’s face, “I’m sorry. I mean – I’m sure your girlfri – ex-girlfriend had to work up a lot of courage.”

“Even if a girl asked me out now, I couldn’t be with them.” Kageyama whispered.

“Makes sense.” Hinata nodded, “I wouldn’t want to be with someone after what happened.”

“No.” Kageyama continued, “Because, I l-like someone so – I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Oh.” Hinata fumbled with his hands, his stomaching tightening.

“It’s you.” Kageyama wiped his face with his sleeve, not daring to let his tears fall, “I like you.”

Hinata’s eyes widened, his whole face turning as red as anything, “That’s-“

“With you I feel like I can be myself.” Kageyama covered his face with his hands, trying to hide himself away from embarrassment, “But I can’t. I can’t be g-gay. Especially now that I’m going to have a child.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay, Kageyama.” Hinata smiled at him despite not actually being able to see his face. Hinata reached up, pulling his hands away to see a flustered tear-streamed face, “Can I kiss you?”

“Please don’t-“

Hinata leaned up on his tippy toes, resting his hand in the crook of Kageyama’s neck letting their lips touch gently. Kageyama subconsciously kisses him back – tasting the coffee they drank moments before.

Kageyama slid his hands down, placing them on his waist, ignoring the thumping of his own heartbeat.

Hinata deepened the kiss by tugging on his neck, pressing their lips against each other harder. Kageyama walked backward until his back hit the kitchen counter, his arms roaming all over Hinata’s waist making their way into his hair and neck.

“D-don’t…s-stop.” Hinata mumbled into his lips, barely pulling away. Kageyama breathed heavily not stopping any time soon as he felt Hinata’s tongue made its way into Kageyama’s mouth.

Kageyama had never kissed this way before; and was starting to wonder if Hinata had actually gone out with anyone. Kageyama never thought about that sort of thing and he wasn’t even sure what he was doing right now.

The feeling of Hinata’s lips against his, the way they were kissing made Kageyama’s heart feel like it was going to explode (in the good way) he wished he could do this forever but he knew there such thing as reality.

He couldn’t be with Hinata.

He was going to be a father.

Everyone blames him.

Kageyama pressed further if it was possible. Hinata jumped up on his waist, wrapping his legs tightly around Kageyama’s body as they continued to hold their make out session. Kageyama set Hinata down on the counter, his legs still locked around.

“Y-you’re hard.” Kageyama pulled away breathless.

 “Ignore it.” Hinata flushed capturing him in a kiss once more.

A giant slam from the doorway made the two boys both jerk back from each other, their gazes turning to the man who stood in the doorway, watching them with a hard stare.

Hinata pushed Kageyama away, jumping off the countertop as he kept his eyes on the man who stood in the doorway.

“The fuck?” The man growled, stepping towards Kageyama, pulling him away from Hinata with a hard grip on his wrist.

“O-ouch-“ Kageyama struggled to pull his hand away from the man. He was extremely confused. Who the fuck did this guy think he was?

“Did he force you?” The man shouted, pointing at Kageyama, “Is this the guy that made you a fucking homo?”

“Of fucking course not!” Hinata raised his voice pulling Kageyama back to him, “He has nothing to do with this!”

Kageyama felt awkward being pushed around between them, he wanted to leave but at the same time he wanted to tell this man off.

“Cause that’s why he was sucking your face off!” The man yelled lifting his hand up high and before Kageyama knew it; his hand collided with Hinata’s cheek earning him a red mark.

Kageyama felt anger build up in the pit of his stomach when he noticed the tears filling Hinata’s eyes. How dare someone hit their own child? He knew his mother did it to him but he knew he deserved it. Hinata did nothing wrong. He was innocent and yet he kept getting beaten down. He kept having unlucky things happening to him.

“Why’re you here?” Hinata whispered sternly, cradling his cheek with his hand and holding onto Kageyama with the other, “I never want to see you again.”

“I came to pick up things.” He grumbled, tightening his grip on Kageyama’s wrist, “But instead I find my son having sex on the kitchen counter.”

“We weren’t having sex.” Hinata snapped back. Kageyama’s wrist felt like it was going to fall off, just how strong was this dude?

If this was Hinata’s father than he really didn’t look like him at all. The guy was tall, and had dark hair instead of crazy orange hair. Hinata definitely took after his mother.

“If I didn’t walk in, what did you think would’ve happened?” He said in disgust, pushing Kageyama away from Hinata once again, “You fucking stay away from him.”

Kageyama wished he could stand up for Hinata but he knew he wasn’t brave enough, he wasn’t good enough. That’s exactly why Hinata deserved someone better. He deserved someone who would work up the courage to defend him, someone who wouldn’t fuck around and get a girl pregnant when he doesn’t even love them, someone who could love themselves.

Because Kageyama was definitely far from loving himself.

After what happened with Mei, it got worse than it was before. He was so close to accepting himself but then everyone looked down on him for doing such a _sinful_ thing – having sex _before_ marriage.

He didn’t even want to know what would happen if his mother found out he was crushing on a guy – a guy who was _broken_ and probably didn’t love himself just as _much_.

“He’s your son.” Kageyama spoke quietly, earning a surprised look from Hinata who was still clinging onto his wrist but much, _much_ more softly, “Shouldn’t you love him no matter what?” Kageyama cleared his throat, almost scared that he was going to get a slap himself – for the second time this week.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He threatened, “You’re just another disgusting fucking homo.”

Kageyama was about to snap – he sounded like some 8 year old making fun of one of their classmates. He was glad this sick man was out of his life. Hinata didn’t need anyone like this putting him down any further.

“Fuck off.” Hinata whispered to him sliding his hands together with Kageyama’s, pulling him over to his side. Hinata’s father loosened his grip before letting go all together.

Kageyama watched as he made his way to the front door, slamming it shut as hard as he could.

Kageyama winced at the loud sound that shook most of the house. He felt Hinata’s handle tremble in his.

“A-are you okay?” Kageyama looked over at him, his cheek bright red from the slap.

“I’m fine.” Hinata smiled up at him despite being beaten down just minutes before. How did he manage to act so happy? “I’m sorry, though; He hurt your arm pretty bad.”

Kageyama looked at his wrist, noticing that it had turned purple. It was clearly bruised. He had no idea how he was going to explain this to his mother or the rest of the volleyball team.

“I’m sorry.” Hinata repeated reaching for an ice pack in the freezer, “You won’t be able to play for at least a week.”

“It’s not your fault.” Kageyama reminded, taking the ice pack off him placing it on his wrist.

“It is.” Hinata sighed, leaning against the counter.

Kageyama probably wouldn’t be able to ever look at the kitchen the same again, knowing they got so close to doing something in here.

“No. It’s not.” Kageyama looked down at the ground, “No one blames you.”

“I-“ Hinata sighed, “I’m sorry. No one blames you either Kageyama, you made a mistake and they have to learn to accept that everyone does.”

Kageyama shook his head, “This mistake isn’t something you can undo.”

“What? And you’re telling me I can just undo the mistake of coming out to my parents? Should I just say to them ‘oh it was all a joke now let’s be happy!’?” Hinata argued suddenly, his voice turning stern. He had never used it on Kageyama before, it almost scared him.

“That’s not what I mean-“

“No. Of course it isn’t.” Hinata rolled his eyes, “Your life is easy. Yeah you made a fucking mistake but it doesn’t mean you have to go on and _on_ about how you made a bigger mistake. I know. You got a girl fucking pregnant, I understand that. You fucked up, badly. But you didn’t have to go through what I went through did you? I lost a friend to an accident. I got beat up for being myself. I went into depression and tried to _kill_ myself. I hurt my family, I made a mistake. I dated some guy that abused me for months until I had the fucking courage to tell someone. I made a mistake, I’ve been hurt. I’ve hurt people and I can’t undo it.” Hinata breathed heavily.

 Kageyama looked stunned; he had never heard Hinata sound angry at him before. He could hardly process what happened. Hinata was pissed off at him he could clearly tell by how he just spoke to him.

He had no idea that Hinata had been in an abusive relationship, he felt like giving that guy a taste of his own medicine. There was more to Hinata than he thought; he had secrets that he still hadn’t told Kageyama.

“You should just….leave.” Hinata spoke before he could, turning away from him, “I don’t want you here anymore.” Hinata sniffled, tears falling down his face for what seemed like the millionth time.

“Yeah.” Kageyama mumbled placing the ice pack down on the counter, “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been writing future chapters and....so much angst..  
> but i hope u guys like it, chapter 8 will probably be out once i finish writing chapter 10 which shouldnt take me too long <3


	8. Vodka, Vodka & Vodka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive barely finished chapter 10 and i like being ahead so who knows when chapter 9 will be out....
> 
> YAY FOR DRUNK KAGS!! but also no at the same time..

“Kageyama!” Kiyomi opened the door with a wide smile on his face, “I never thought the day would come where you text me wanting to come over-“

“Shut up.” Kageyama grumbled, “I didn’t feel like being with anyone right now.”

“Oh?” Kiyomi smirked as he watched Kageyama barge in his house, “But I see you are currently with me right now.”

“You’re different.” Kageyama sighed “I need a break.”

“Something happen?” Kiyomi asked, his eyes drifting to the bruise on his wrist, “ _Oh._ ”

It had been a few days since his ‘argument’ with Hinata, and he made no sign of talking to him. He would avoid him at school; Hinata wouldn’t even look at him. It was all the same with his mother. Kayo would wake up, get ready for walk, go to work, come home, have dinner, drink alcohol, and then sleep, not saying a word to her son the whole day.

Kageyama had to admit he felt lonely. He felt bad for what he said to Hinata and wished he could take it all back. But as Hinata said, all mistakes are impossible to undo.

Kageyama wanted Hinata to talk to him again. Kageyama wanted to find Hinata subconsciously staring at him during lessons when he’s supposed to be paying attention to the board. But in these past days, Hinata’s eyes had always been gazing on something else.

Kageyama gave Kiyomi a look, “Nothing what you’re thinking about. More like the opposite.”

“You mean that shorty did that to you?” Kiyomi looked at him surprise, grabbing a bottle out of the fridge.

 “No.” Kageyama sunk into the couch, “His father.”

“His father?” Kiyomi chuckled sitting down next to him, handing him a bottle of what looked like vodka.

Kageyama stared at it for a couple of seconds before giving in. He didn’t care anymore if he was underage, he needed a distraction.

“Yeah. I don’t wanna talk about it.” Kageyama took a swing of the vodka sighing as the alcohol burned down his throat.

“Why don’t we go out tonight?” Kiyomi asked standing up from his position.

“Go out?” Kageyama placed the bottle down, “Like where?”

“Gay bar.” Kiyomi grinned evilly taking a sip of his drink, “I go to it like, every weekend. You should join me.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, “Yeah that’s were all the old people hang out.” Kageyama winced when he bumped his wrist.

“Hey – I know a guy near your age that hangs around there.”

Kageyama raised his eyebrows, “Yeah no thanks. I don’t want your leftovers.” Kageyama waved his hand at him, a sick feeling blooming in his stomach.

“No way. I wouldn’t bang someone eight years younger than me.” Kiyomi nudged him with his hand, “I kissed you but that means nothing – I was trying to prove to you that you are gay.”

“Like it helped.” Kageyama mumbled.

“I could hook you up with that guy.” Kiyomi suggested pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, “As far as I know, he’s single.”

_Right. Kiyomi had no idea about the whole pregnant thing._

Kageyama definitely didn’t want to mention it.

“I can’t.” Kageyama shook his head, “I can’t do anything unless it’s with him.”

 Kiyomi burst out laughing, holding his stomach setting down his beer on the table, “That’s- that’s ridiculous.”

“How?” Kageyama grumbled his cheeks warming up.

 “You do realise how gay that sounds?” Kiyomi pointed out.

“I’m not into guys – I just- I don’t know.”

“Your mother told me.” Kiyomi lit his cigarette, “About you getting some girl pregnant.”

Kageyama clenched his fists together. He hadn’t spoken to Mei once since the night he found out. In all honesty, Kageyama didn’t even want to see her but he knew he had to eventually. She was carrying his child.

Of course his mother had to go gossip about him to every single person she found. He wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in school knew by now.

“Yeah.”

“I-“

“It’s fine. Drop it.”

They sat in silence, the only noise coming from the clock Kiyomi had hanging on the wall. His house was neater than expected; it was small, perfect for one person. But the smell of smoke mixed with alcohol lingered around in the house constantly, making Kageyama feel slightly sick.

Did Kageyama want to go to this ‘gay bar’? He had never been to a bar before. He didn’t even have a fake ID, how was he supposed to get in there?

Kageyama wanted a distraction from everything; especially the pregnancy part. It was nagging in the back of mind just like Hinata’s kiss but this was way, way worse.

“Hey-“Kageyama hesitated, “Is the invitation still open?”

 

 

“You could definitely pull off a 20 year old.” Kiyomi smirked at Kageyama whom was wearing one his old shirts that surprisingly fit him. Kageyama rarely wore button-ups, especially when going out somewhere. Only for school but that was about it.

“I feel like I’m suffocating.” Kageyama tugged at the collar, “I’m starting to regret this.”

“Don’t worry.” Kiyomi clasped his shoulder. “It’ll be fun.”

“Doubt it.” Kageyama sighed following behind Kiyomi into the club, nervously showing his ID to the slightly intimidating bartender. There were all types of people raving on the dance floor.

Everyone in this bar was gay.

Instead of girls grinding up against guys, it was guys grinding up against guys. There were even drunk people in corners making out, whom were also of the same gender.

Kageyama almost felt uncomfortable.

“He’ll have vodka shots.” Kiyomi pointed to Kageyama, who had no say in this whatsoever.

“W-what?” Kageyama sputtered watching as the bartender placed a couple of shots in front of him.

“Don’t worry.” Kiyomi rolled his eyes, “Just relax. You don’t do that enough.”

Kageyama sighed, subconsciously reaching for the shot that awaited him. He let the alcohol burn down his throat. Kageyama had drunk before, years ago when he got depressed about how his parents were fighting all the time. But once, his mother caught him and he swore never to touch alcohol again.

“Oikawa!” Kiyomi waved over to a guy that currently walked in. ‘Oikawa’ was wearing casual black clothing, his face wasn’t ugly, Kageyama just hoped he was a nice guy.

 “Oh! Hey!” Oikawa waved back, walking over to where they sat at the bar.

“This is my friend, Kageyama Tobio.” Kiyomi introduced standing up from next to him, “You guys are around the same age right?”

“Hi.” Kageyama greeted awkwardly, vodka shot in hand.

“Nice to meet you.” Oikawa smirked, reaching over to steal one of his shots.

_This guy doesn’t seem too bad._

 

 

_From Hinata_

_are u drunk?_

Kageyama blinked at his phone through his fuzzy eyes, the alcohol in his system was making it hard to see clearly.

He had been glued to the bar since he arrived which had been a few hours ago. He had no idea where Oikawa or Kiyomi went off too but he didn’t particularly care.

Nor did he realise he accidentally started texting Hinata.

_From Kageyama_

_nO. not drunk. i dont get drnk._

_From Hinata_

_I’m 100% sure you’re drunk. Are you home?_

Kageyama wondered why Hinata was acting like everything was normal. They hadn’t since they had their fight.

_From Kageyama_

_No. KiyomI TOOK me 2 sum bar full of guys_

_From Hinata_

_I’m coming to get you. What’s it called?_

Kageyama glanced around, trying to find a sign of the bar name which he noticed he didn’t actually know what it was called.

But why was Hinata coming to get him? As far as drunken Kageyama was aware, Hinata was giving him the silent treatment.

_From Kageyama_

_Aurorraa._

Kageyama regained his posture, stumbling as he stood up from the stool that was placed at the bar. He needed to get out of here, he could hardly breath.

 

10 minutes rolled past of Kageyama throwing up all he could in front of the club, people who were leaving giving him strange looks.

Kageyama wiped his mouth, slouching against the brick wall waiting for some sign of Hinata arriving. But he didn’t even know if Hinata was being serious or not.

All his thoughts were washed away when he saw an unfamiliar black car pull up in front of the club.

_Don’t tell me…_

_Hinata can…..drive?_

Kageyama watched as the door opened, the orange haired boy he was in love with stepped out of the car. Hinata had bags under his eyes followed with red rims.

He looked exhausted.

“Hinata.” Kageyama coughed, the alcohol giving him a sudden rush of adrenaline.

“Oh. Uh – Kageyama.” Hinata blinked, obviously keeping his distance from him.

Hinata had all rights to be mad at him. Kageyama didn’t blame him one bit but when was he finally going to give in and forgive?

Kageyama had all kinds of urges, to kiss him until his lips were numb, to cuddle with him while they are sleeping, to make Hinata feel as good as anything until they both melted.

He knew everything that was stopping him but did that really fucking matter right now?

“I didn’t know you could drive.” Kageyama mumbled stepping towards Hinata, almost stumbling into him.

“Y-yeah.” Hinata nodded watching as Kageyama balanced himself out, “My f-father used to teach me when I was younger.”

Kageyama sighed, remembering back to when his father barged in of them doing…things. If only he didn’t walk in, would they have gone further?

Kageyama shook his head, he wouldn’t forcibly stopped himself. Hinata would never let him get that far….would he?

Before he knew it, Kageyama subconsciously pushed Hinata back into his car, smashing their lips together. Kageyama didn’t know what it was that made him want to do this; it could’ve been because Hinata simply looked incredibly adorable with his messy orange hair and baggy clothes.

“W-what are you doing?” Hinata gasped clawing at Kageyama to make him stop but he continued to press kisses down his neck, “You f-fucking idiot, stop!”

Kageyama pressed his arms down, making sure he couldn’t escape. All Kageyama could hear was the sound of his own thoughts as he drowned out Hinata’s voice. All he wanted to do was dominated him, right here and now.

“Please! Stop.” Hinata cried against his lips. Kageyama couldn’t taste the salt from his tears. In his normal state, he would’ve cared about the fact he made Hinata cry but right now, this is exactly what he wanted.

Kageyama kissed him harder, his tongue intertwining with his as he gripped Hinata’s neck tightly holding him carefully in place.

“P-please.” Hinata sobbed desperately, “Don’t b-be like him. Don’t be like Tetsurou…please.”

Kageyama came back to his senses. Letting go of Hinata all together watching as he collapsed to the floor a bundle of tears.

Hinata covered his face with his hands, his tears splashing onto the floor as she shook in fear, “T-Tetsurou don’t hurt me. P-please.”

Kageyama watched as Hinata sobbed into his hands, instantly regretting everything he did to him.

_Stupid fucking alcohol._

Kageyama guessed ‘Tetsurou’ was the abusive boyfriend Hinata had. Damn, Kageyama didn’t even want to know anything Tetsurou did. It sounded terrible.

Kageyama couldn’t say much though; he practically tried to rape him.

What a horrible person Kageyama truly was.

“P-please. Stay a-away.” Hinata sobbed, rocking back and forth on the ground, “I-I’m s-sorry.”

Kageyama’s heart ached as he slowly bent down, reaching out to touch Hinata. But his heart broke when Hinata slapped it away, inching further from him than before.

Another mistake Kageyama wouldn’t be able to undo. Hinata, the boy Kageyama was in love with was deeply terrified of him.

It was all Kageyama’s fault.

Once again, everyone blamed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor hinata my son.
> 
> ily all so much <3


	9. A Scar Cut Too Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> r.i.p

 “Tobio.”

Darkness was surrounding him, he tried to reach out to the light that peered from the corner but when he reached it, it disappeared. He felt like screaming, Kageyama didn’t know how to escape this suffering.

“Tobio.”

Kageyama blinked, his eyes opening to see his mother leaning over the bed shaking him awake.

“You reek of alcohol.”

Kageyama’s eyes widened realising it was the first time his mother had spoken a word to him since the day she found out. Kageyama still couldn’t believe it himself; he was going to have a child.

He didn’t even know how Mei must feel; having to go through this actually carrying their child but it wasn’t like it was someone Kageyama hated.

Kageyama sat up fast, making his head spin more than it was before. He was definitely hungover, his memories was fuzzy from last night.

How did he get home in the first place?

“What did you do last night?” Kayo questioned a stern look played on her face.

“I-“ Kageyama swallowed, “I was with my friend.”

“What? Who drinks alcohol?” Kayo rolled her eyes tucking fresh clothes into Kageyama’s drawer.

Kageyama was confused, his mother had barely said anything the past week and now she decides to talk to him? Did Kiyomi tell her about him going out drinking?

“By the way, Mei’s coming over later.” Kayo announced, “I invited her over. I think you guys should talk. Don’t you agree?”

“I guess so.” Kageyama sighed, rubbing his temples.

“I’m still mad at you.” Kayo admitted, sitting down on his bed, “But it doesn’t mean that I’m going to ignore you forever.”

Kageyama looked at his mother surprised, “You know I-“

“You didn’t mean to get her pregnant.” Kayo sighed rubbing her forehead, “Obviously, I know you’re not like that but…you never told me you had sex with her.”

“Sorry.” Kageyama almost rolled his eyes, why would he tell his own mother? It wasn’t like she ever told him something in return.

“Her mother is….very religious like, she works at some church and sings every Sunday.” Kayo explained, gathering up her hair in a ponytail, “Funny thing is, she doesn’t blame her own daughter, she only blames you.”

“Because I’m the guy right?” Kageyama guessed yawning into his hand, “It’s hard on her, only being sixteen and all…”

“Kageyama.” Kayo stood up, looking into his eyes seriously, “I want you to love this child. Not for me. Not for yourself but for Mei.”

“I get it.” Kageyama nodded realising how dry his mouth felt.

“Mei’s a lovely girl.” Kayo smiled slightly, “She’s lonely, like you.”

“But…” Kageyama clenched his fists, having a tiny bit of hope, “Is it bad for me to want it to be someone else’s child?” Kageyama felt tears brim his eyes, he had rarely ever cried in front of his mother or shown hardly any emotion in the first place.

“Of course not. I mean, like you said you’re only sixteen so it makes sense to have thoughts like that.” Kayo reassured, patting his head gently which she hadn’t done since he was probably eight.

“I guess so.” Kageyama sighed looking up at his mother, “Am I a bad person?”

Kayo looked down at the ground, “No. You aren’t.”

Kageyama opened his mouth but stopped himself from almost spilling about his father. He had no idea how his mother would react if he said anything but it definitely wouldn’t be good. Kageyama restrained himself.

“Uh-“ Kageyama started before Kayo could leave the room, “When will she be over?”

“Half an hour.” Kayo informed, “Make sure you shower, okay? And I want to know why you smell of alcohol later.”

Kageyama sighed flopping back onto his pillows when his mother closed the door. He could hardly remember last night. And in all honesty Kageyama didn’t want to see Mei especially in this state.

_From Kiyomi_

_Dude, you disappeared last night. For some reason I saw that orange haired guy out the front of the club? He was like, crying his eyes out. But I didn’t see you anywhere in sight. Don’t tell me you did something to him?_

Kageyama’s eyes widened.

Hinata…was at the club last night? What the hell was doing there crying his eyes out? Did someone do something to him..

Or worse..

Did Kageyama do something to him?

_From Kiyomi_

_So I helped him up. But he was mumbling something about a guy named Tetsurou? So I figured you didn’t do anything and that Tetsurou guy did. Although I’ve never heard that name before. And I know pretty much everyone in that club._

Tetsurou….

That named didn’t ring any bells to Kageyama. But he felt so confused, who was Tetsurou?

Kageyama was also surprised by the fact that Kiyomi would actually help him but god, he felt a little jealous but it was fine.

Kageyama could deal with it.

_From Kiyomi_

_I took him into the bar and we had a couple of drinks to calm him down._

_And so…_

_He’s kind of lying in my bed naked right now._

_I’m like really sorry. I don’t exactly remember what happened but I woke up completely naked as well._

_God, I swear Kageyama, I didn’t mean to. I don’t go after younger children but man, I must’ve been so drunk._

_And especially after someone you like…_

_Fuck, dude I messed up._

_Fuck. Like I get it if you ignore me completely. Fuuuck I don’t know what to do._

Kageyama almost felt like someone stabbed him in the heart right then, he could hardly process what Kiyomi just sent him.

They….did way more than making out on a counter.

It was obvious, they both woke up totally naked next to each other they obviously did it. Kageyama was mad, but it technically wasn’t his fault.

God.

How the fuck did things end up like this? Everything had been falling apart since Hinata arrived back. Maybe it would’ve been better to never see him again.

Maybe Kageyama really should give up on everything.

He didn’t even care about the tears falling down his face as they dripped down on to his pillows.

Kageyama was head over heels for a boy that was broken all too much just like himself.

Kageyama wished he didn’t fuck over so much but he was hurting, he needed Mei at that time but it turned into a mess.

Kageyama didn’t even bother showering, he felt so weak and useless that he couldn’t even get up from his bed. He had heard his mother leave for work, not bothering to even say bye. But he didn’t care.

He was too hooked up on thinking about Hinata, in bed with another man.

And not any man, Kiyomi Kenta.

A twenty-five year old sleeping with a barely seventeen year old boy.

All Kageyama wanted to do was fade away, everything single thing around him was falling apart and he didn’t know how to deal.

He was only human; he didn’t know how to handle this kind of roller coaster of emotions. But all he wanted was to be loved.

No one seemed to, even if Hinata had told him Kageyama didn’t know if he could believe anything at this point.

Was it bad to want to feel loved?

Was it bad to want to feel wanted?

Was it bad to not want to be a father?

“Kageyama?” A light voice came from the living room.

Kageyama, knowing it was Mei, was too weak to move or anything he didn’t even care if Mei saw him like this.

There was no point anymore.

There was no point trying.

Even after all this drama had happened, Hinata would probably still look at him with that stupid smiley face like nothing was wrong. Kageyama wished he could be like that but to him it felt impossible.

“K-Kageyama?” Mei asked with concerned, peering into his bedroom.

She looked so much mature than she did before.

She had a flowy purple flower dress on with her bag slung over her shoulders – a tiny bit of a stomach sticking out. Her hair was cut shorter than it had been but her pale skin remained the same.

Kageyama quickly sat up; rubbing his eyes making sure Mei couldn’t tell he was crying.

“H-hey.” Kageyama stuttered, standing up in front of her, feeling slightly awkward.

“Are you okay?” Mei questioned clutching her bag close, “You were crying right? Because of me?”

“No! No.” Kageyama protested, running his hands through his hair, “I wasn’t crying…I was… thinking.”

“I don’t mind if you want to talk about it.” Mei shrugged, a blush forming on her cheeks, “Or should we talk about other things?”

Kageyama knew Mei was referring to the baby, and he couldn’t help wonder if Mei was still in love with him. He didn’t mind if she was. It felt nice being loved and wanted.

 

“How long are you?” Kageyama asked once they had decided to move out in the lounge room to talk instead of being cramped in his messy room.

Mei cleared her throat, “Two months.”

Kageyama nodded. It would make sense, considering it takes a while for symptoms to show but there were questions Kageyama desperately wanted to ask but he knew he couldn’t.

“My mother isn’t just blaming you.” Mei announced, fidgeting around in her chair, “She yelled at me when she found the pregnancy test in the bin. I thought I hid it well but I didn’t.”

_But how do you know this child is mine?_

“My parents, they are, well- very religious.”

_Do I have to be a proper father to this child?_

“I heard.”

“Hey-“ Mei called in a soft voice, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I’m okay, really.-“

The sound of the doorbell cut him off. It was strange; Kageyama wasn’t expecting anyone to come today, especially on a weekend.

Maybe it was the postman or something but as Kageyama left his seat open the door, it definitely didn’t look like a postman.

He was only a bit taller than Kageyama with slightly messy black hair most likely the same age or older.

So why was he knocking at his door?

“Hey there, sorry for interrupting but do you know where this address was?” The stranger asked holding out a piece of paper to him.

“Uhm-“ Kageyama swallowed awkwardly took the paper from his hands, “Who’re you?”

“Oh right, my name is Tetsurou Kuroo.” He nodded, holding out his hand, “I’m not from around here I was visiting a friend but seemed to got lost somehow..”

_Tetsurou._

Wasn’t that the name Kiyomi said Hinata was mumbling about? It can’t be the same person right….

No…of course not.

But when Kageyama looked down at the paper, he wasn’t surprised at all.

Hinata’s address was scribbled with messy handwriting; he couldn’t help but stare at it.

Kageyama snapped back to reality his hands shaking as he handed the paper back to ‘Tetsurou’.

Kageyama’s words were stuck at this throat, all of a sudden feeling dizzy like he couldn’t breathe. A sudden excruciating pain hit his side as Kageyama felt himself slowly starting lose consciousness. Darkness was surrounding him as Hinata flashed in his mind as he felt his legs fall beneath him.

 

_“Hey Hinata.” I called._

_“Yeah?” Shouyou looked up at him with soulless eyes surrounded by pale skin._

_“Do you love me?” I asked._

_“No.” Shouyou admitted squeezing his hand tightly, “I don’t love you.”_

_“Why?” I pressed further._

_“Because Tobio,” Shouyou smiled, “You and I don’t belong.”_

Kageyama woke up to a dark unfamiliar room. His heart was beating fast from the strange dream that he didn’t understand at all.

But then thing he questioned most was the pain in his right side. Where was he? What happened? All Kageyama could remember was talking to some….stranger named Tetsurou Kuroo.

“Kageyama!” Mei gasped when the door swung open letting a bright light into the room.

“H-hi.” Kageyama coughed wincing when he tried to sit up against the bed board.

“I’m so you’re awake!” Mei exclaimed flicking on the lights, “I was worried! Everyone was.”

“Awake?” Kageyama’s eyes widened, “What do you mean?”

Mei grabbed a seat from the corner of the room placing it in front of the hospital bed, “You got stabbed, Kageyama.”

“Yeah.” Kageyama figured as much, he wasn’t even surprised with what had been happening lately it piled on top of his unluckiness.

“That’s all you can say?” Mei shook her head, “You were asleep for a week.”

“Sorry.” Kageyama apologised, placing his hand onto his wound, “It’s hard to talk.”

Mei sighed looking down at her clasped hands, she leaned forward gently touching Kageyama’s forehead making him flinch back.

Mei acted completely natural in front of him, like they’ve been doing this for years but Kageyama couldn’t help feeling a little awkward about it.

Even though they were having a child together, Kageyama wasn’t ready for this.

“I got a check-up while I was here.” Mei pulled her hand back pretending everything was normal tucking her hair back, “The doctor said I’ll probably be due in August, near my birthday.”

“Oh.” Kageyama breathed out, realising how tight his muscles were, “That’s good.”

It was obvious who stabbed, that Tetsurou Kuroo guy or whatever his name was. But what did he have against Kageyama? He’d never seen him before in his entire life.

Did Hinata know about this?

Or was he a part of this?

No..

Hinata would never do this to Kageyama, he told him he loved in many times so why did Kageyama feel so uneasy?

Maybe it was because of the wound or because he had been asleep for so long but he didn’t know…

Kageyama wanted to see him, it had been at least three weeks since he last saw Hinata’s smiling face.

Kageyama missed it and he wanted to apologise. But that wouldn’t patch things up.

After all, he slept with Kiyomi.

“Hey- um.” Mei hesitated, pushing her bangs out of her eyes, “Do you know Hinata Shouyou?”

Kageyama’s mind froze as he slowly looked up at Mei, “Yes, I do. Why?”

“Um, well. He was-“

“Oh, Kageyama-san.” An unfamiliar person wearing a doctor’s uniform walked in holding a clipboard, “I’m so glad you’re awake.”

“Yeah..um-“

“Oh, my names Dr. Ishiki.” He explained, pulling out white rubber gloves from his coat pocket, “I was monitoring you while you were sleeping.”

“Is the wound bad?” Kageyama rasped, desperately wanting a drink of water.

“It was quite deep.” Ishiki nodded placing his clipboard on the bedside table, “I did emergency surgery on you and everything went well. But you would have to stay in hospital for a little longer just to make sure everything is okay.”

Kageyama nodded watching as Mei quietly left the room without a word.

“I’m going to lift up your shirt to check the stitches, alright?”

Ishiki lifted up his shirt to inspect his wound, making Kageyama flinch now and then. He almost felt like fainting, he couldn’t believe this had happened.

“Did the police catch who did it?”

“I heard he escaped.” Ishiki pulled out a new bandage, “The knife was still in you, but it had no fingerprints.”

Did this Tetsurou guy think Kageyama wouldn’t tell anyone that it was him? Of course he would, Tetsurou wasn’t going to get away that easily.

“Your girlfriend was scared out of her mind, apparently. I felt sorry for her.” Ishiki wrapped the bandage around, clipping it into place.

“Oh.” Kageyama looked away, “She’s….not my girlfriend.”

“Really?” Ishiki raised his eyebrows, “The way she looks at you though is like she’s totally in love with you.”

“I don’t..”

“Sorry,” Ishiki chuckled stepping away from his bed, “What would I know about love? A nurse will be in here to check up on the rest of your body soon.”

Kageyama sighed, leaning back against the pillows after Ishiki left this cold, dark room.

He was tired although he slept for a week, his eyes were heavy.

 

When Kageyama awoke again, this time he felt an unusual warmth in his hand like someone was holding it – but he had to be dreaming.

But when Kageyama looked over at his right, he saw someone he didn’t expect to see. He thought maybe his mother would be there but instead a tiny orange haired boy was there, clinging to his head with his head against the white sheets next to Kageyama’s legs.

“He’s been coming every day since he found out.” Mei called from the door, a plastic cup in her hand, “He really seems to care about you.”

“I –“ Kageyama blushed. How did Mei feel about gay people? Was she the same as everyone else?

“Don’t worry.” Mei grinned, handing the cup over to Kageyama, “I won’t tell anyone.”

Kageyama gulped the water down with his free hand, enjoying the feeling of Hinata’s in his but he also felt uncomfortable knowing that he slept with Kiyomi.

“He’s a really good kid, Kageyama.” Mei whispered trying not to disturb Hinata in his sleep, “He deserves you.”

“I don’t know if I’m enough.” Kageyama mumbled under his breath, watching as Hinata’s eyes suddenly flickered open.

Hinata slipped his hand out of his, rubbing his eyes sleepily before looking over at Kageyama.

“Good morning.” He smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY OMGG I CANT HELP IT I ACCIDENTALLY KEEP MAKING IT WORSE


	10. Series Of Bad Timings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH DAMN ITS BEEN A WHILE BUT IM BACKKK  
> back with more angst  
> to ruin you with :)

Kageyama felt pissed off, how could he act so fucking normal? After all, that has happened to them Hinata still kept that giant smile plastered on his face like everything was okay.

“How are you feeling?” Hinata continued, acting normal as if nothing was wrong but Kageyama noticed his slightly bruised wrist that was covered by his sleeve of his shirt.

Did Hinata try to ignore the fact that he slept with someone else? Or did think Kageyama didn’t know and was hiding it from him.

Surely…

Surely Hinata wouldn’t hide that from Kageyama

“F-Fine.” Kageyama coughed as Hinata leant back in his chair, “I’m fine.”

“That’s good.” Hinata clenched his fists together, staring down at the pure white floor.

Kageyama inspected his face, his amazing, perfectly structured, beautiful face that Kageyama could never get enough of. He wished he could run his fingers through his hair…touching his pale soft skin.

But that was all a dream.

Even if Hinata was right in front of him.

In reality, he was way too far to reach.

“What about you?” Kageyama bit his lip, trying not to stare as his wrist, “Are you…okay?”

Hinata smiled slightly, a slight blush forming on his cheeks, “If you are, I am.”

“Hinata..” Kageyama sighed, was he going to completely ignore the fact that he slept with Kiyomi? Someone he barely knew at all? “I know what you did.”

“What are you talking about?” Hinata asked confused at this sudden outcome. The orange haired boy covered his whole hands with his sleeves, crossing his arms trying to act like everything was normal.

“You slept with Kiyomi, right?” Kageyama shook his head. He didn’t want to start an argument but he couldn’t believe Hinata was going to act like everything was normal and that it didn’t happen, “I’m not stupid, Hinata. Kiyomi told me everything.”

Hinata’s eyes instantly filled with tears, hiding his face with his sleeves. It was obvious that he was crying and Kageyama felt bad but he wanted to hear the truth from Hinata himself.

“I feel like a slut.” Hinata sobbed, “Sleeping with other men when the only person I want is you...and yet I can’t even be with you.”

“Did he do something to you?” Kageyama whispered, “Kuroo Tetsurou. Did he hurt you?”

 

Hinata Shouyou was exhausted.

The morning had been wild, waking up in a strangers bed then realising they had sex the night before. Hinata couldn’t deal with it, he couldn’t believe they had slept together.

But what scared him the most was the way Kageyama acted. Hinata still loved him, of course, but he was definitely not going to be around him drunk again that’s for sure.

Hinata had come home to an empty quiet house, knowing that his mother and sister had already left. He had a bunch of miscalled and messages from his mother, he knew he was going to be in trouble later.

He hated being alone sometimes, the silence lingered eerily and he didn’t like the atmosphere.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Shouyou.” A deep voice said from behind him when Hinata was taking off his shoes.

A thousand thoughts ran through his mind at one time, he hated that voice more than anything. Hinata felt his body overcome with chills and he didn’t dare turn around.

“You scared?” The voice smirked as it came closer to where Hinata had frozen completely.

“Why the hell w-would I be scared?” Hinata evened his breathing, trying to stay calm.

Tetsurou Kuroo stood in front of him, his arms crossed and a giant smirk on his face. Hinata hadn’t seen Tetsurou since he left and he never bothered saying goodbye.

How could he face Tetsurou like this now? He felt so weak being in the same room as him. Tetsurou was tall, strong and much more powerful.

“Maybe because last time we had a proper conversation the police were involved?” Tetsurou scoffed, starring straight into Hinata’s eyes, “Aren’t I smart? My mother bailed me out, you know. She doesn’t think I’m a bad person and now she blames you for losing most of our money.”

“It’s not my fault. You were the one who abused me.” Hinata’s eyes filled with tears, he desperately tried to blink them away. He really didn’t need Tetsurou to seem him cry.

Tetsurou chuckled, watching as a tear rolled Hinata’s cheek, “Aw, is the little orange haired boy crying? How pathetic.”

“What do you want from me?” Hinata whispered in a weak voice.

“If you don’t want your little black haired boyfriend to get hurt – then I have a deal for you.”

“My boyfriend? How do you…” Hinata trailed off, pressing his hands to his eyes, trying to stop more tears from falling.

“Don’t question it” Tetsurou said sternly, “If you don’t want him to get hurt, you have to be my boyfriend for real. Tell everyone, your mother, friends that I’m better and we are a couple again.”

“No way in hell-“

“Hmm… I guess I should go over to Kageyama’s house…”

“You’re a fucking psycho.”

Hinata was shaking, he was terrified. He had no idea what he was going to do, he couldn’t be with Tetsurou but he also couldn’t let Kageyama get hurt. And he wouldn’t doubt for a second that Tetsurou wouldn’t hurt him, cause he would.

It was either his safety or the person he loved safety.

It was an easy choice, he was going to have to protect Kageyama from Tetsurou no matter what.

“Maybe I am.” Tetsurou grinned, grabbing Hinata’s hand an pulling him to his body.

Hinata felt disgusting just being against him like this, he wanted Kageyama not Tetsurou.

Tetsurou cupped Hinata’s pale face, kissing him forcibly on the lips. Hinata hated it, it was like he was kissing dirt.

“Kiss like you mean it.” Tetsurou demanded, pulling on his orange hair.

Hinata Shouyou truly hated blackmail.

 

Kageyama sighed, leaning back against his hospital bed as he took in what Hinata just told him, he was jealous. He felt his chest tight with each word he said.

Kageyama reached out and grabbed Hinata’s hand squeezing it tightly in his, startling the shorter boy.

“Did you two…?”

“No…only third base...” Hinata confessed, not making eye contact with the boy in front of him.

“Third base?” Kageyama’s eyes widened feeling sick at the thought of Hinata giving…blow jobs and hand jobs.

Luckily it wasn’t as worse as what he did with Kiyomi.

“I’m sorry.” Hinata basically hugged Kageyama’s hand to his chest, “I’m hurting right now and I just-I just want to do things with you….and only you.”

Kageyama’s heart hurt painfully, he hated seeing Hinata like this and maybe not starting a relationship him was a mistake. Maybe…they were just meant to be. But Kageyama being the paranoid person he is, he kept pushing Hinata away, hurting him and telling him this was wrong.

But it was right, it had been all along.

“Hinata.” Kageyama looked into his eyes that were currently on anything but his, “I- I think I’m ready to risk it.”

“Risk?” Hinata questioned, “Risk what exactly?”

“Risk being in a relationship…with you.” Kageyama confessed watching Hinata’s reaction, he finally made eye contact and Kageyama felt more relief.

“I don’t want to force you.” Hinata breathed out, turning pale as he let go of Kageyama’s hand, “You decide now is the best time to say this? When it’s the most risky? I wouldn’t be surprised if Tetsurou found out somehow.”

“Who says you’re forcing me?” Kageyama leaned over, capturing Hinata’s lips with his. Kageyama ignored the part about Tetsurou, he didn’t want to think about it.

More like he just wanted to avoid thinking about Hinata and Tetsurou hooking up.

Hinata was the one who deepened the kiss, practically climbing on top of Kageyama carefully trying not to hurt his wound.

The dark haired boy knew there was going to be a scar there, but he didn’t mind. Although it did make his body look even uglier, it would remind him how lucky he was during this time.

Hinata was straddling his waist – or more like his chest since he desperately didn’t want to cause Kageyama pain.

Hinata hands made their way over Kageyama’s neck as he held the shorter boy by his waist, pulling away to kiss his neck.

He felt like he needed to dominate him, Kageyama hated how all these people got to have Hinata and he didn’t. Kageyama didn’t know what came over him, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to Hinata more than anything.

Kageyama sucked on a sensitive spot, making Hinata moan slightly but tried not to much too much noise as they were in a hospital.

“Mm-what if-“ Hinata gasped, tightening his grip on Kageyama’s shoulders, “What if…Tetsurou sees this?”

“Let him.” Kageyama answered back, not completely understanding this feeling deep inside of him.

“He might get mad…” Hinata sighed, leaning his head into the taller boys shoulder, “But to be honest, right now I don’t give a fuck.”

Kageyama felt his heart warm in his chest, he loved having Hinata’s in his arms. It felt nice to have someone like him, and hold him.

“I’m so happy right now.” Hinata sighed, “Despite everything that’s been happening.”

“I don’t know what to feel.” Kageyama admitted, glancing at the hickey and feeling satisfied with himself, “I mean…I’m going to be a father.”

Hinata pecked his lips once more, caressing his cheek gently, “And you’re going to be a great father.”

“I hope so.”

Hinata felt his chest warm with pleasure, he felt so unbelievably happy that he had no idea what to do. But at the same time, all he wanted was to touch Kageyama, be one with him even though it was all too soon. But Hinata had been waiting for this moment when Kageyama would finally come around and he did.

“Kageyama...” Hinata whispered, “I really want…to touch you.”

“Please…” Kageyama almost begged connecting their lips together again.

As their lips move together, their shirts fall to the floor as the kiss heats up. Tongues intertwined, clothes dropping slowly and smacking sounds could be heard throughout the room.

 “What if someone walks in?” Hinata whispered, breathing heavily from all the kissing

“No one will.” Kageyama kissed along Hinata’s pale collarbone, trying to ignore the thumping of his heart.

Kageyama felt so in love – he had never ever had these kinds of emotions before about someone in particular. He didn’t think it was possible to love someone so much – so much that you’d risk your life for them.

But now he understood.

“Tobio.” Kageyama flinched when he heard a gasp from the door that he realised had been flung open at the very wrong time.

“You have to fucking explain to me right now what the hell is going on!” Kayo said sternly, trying to keep quiet for the other patients.

Hinata had already ended up standing next to the bed; he climbed off Kageyama’s chest so fast he barely felt any movement.

Kageyama sat up further, starring back at his mother speechless.

What was he supposed to say to a person who walks in to two _guys_ almost half naked making out with each other? That wasn’t a scenario Kageyama thought of much and he never thought that he would be the star of it.

“N-nothing. It was nothing.” Kageyama whispered, looking down at his fist clenched in the sheets.

“That was not nothing.” Kayo crossed her arms, “I saw what I saw. And I want an explanation.”

“There is no explanation, Kageyama-san.” Hinata chimed into the conversation with a light voice, “It’s simple. Tobio and I are together now.”

Kageyama gave Hinata a death glare before turning his head back to his mother just in time to see her reaction.

“Together?” Kayo smirked, “Like hell you are.”

“You’re a fucking-“

“A fucking what, Tobio?” Kayo asked sternly, watching her sons face turn pale, “I came to give you the great news.”

“What great news?” Kageyama asked cautiously, knowing it definitely wasn’t going to be ‘good’ news.

“Mei’s mother and I talked and have decided on arranging a wedding for the both of you.” Kayo smiled evil-like, waiting for the two boy’s reactions.

“That’s ridiculous.” Kageyama spat at her, ‘We’re both only sixteen, I’m not getting married so young! Is that even legal?”

“Oh yes, of course it is.”  Kayo smiled, “Girls are allowed to get married at sixteen but it’s fine with you because you have my permission.”

“I am _no way_ in hell marrying someone I don’t love.” Kageyama was furious, how could his mother just decide this without him? It was stupid, unfair and definitely not something Kageyama was going to agree on.

Marrying so young was not something that was in Kageyama’s list of things to do in life. It wasn’t his plan and now everything was being messed up.

“I don’t even like girls,” Tobio admitted to his mother, it was one of the first times he said it out loud and it felt….relieving.

“You’re going to have to. If you don’t show up, then don’t bother showing up to my house anymore.”

“What?” Tobio almost laughed, “So now you’re kicking me out for being gay or not wanting to get married at _sixteen_? You’re such a cliché parent.”

“This is all I’m asking.” Kayo shook her head, “Do it for Mei, she loves you.”

“Yeah. ‘Cause who cares what I want in life. It’s all about what Mei wants.”

“Don’t give me that attitude. Mei is the one carrying a baby-“

“She’s also the one to blame.” Tobio spat in a quiet angry voice, “It was her idea in the first place.”

“I don’t care whose idea it was but I’m not blaming an innocent girl on her pregnancy.” Kayo turned her back, walking out of the room not even checking up if her own son was doing okay.

It proved how much his mother didn’t give a fuck about him.

And sometimes, Tobio felt alone but he knew he wasn’t.

Because when Hinata came over to climb in bed to comfort him, Tobio knew this was all he needed in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyy drama


	11. Fragile Heart Touched By Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my lovely readers c; <3
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOY! THIS CHAPTER IS LIKE MAINLY STORY TIME WITH HINATA WITH A LOT OF DIALOGUE.
> 
> i had writers block for ages and then i literally just wrote this in one sitting because it all suddenly came to me
> 
> i also have currently been obsessed with utaites & vocaloids (pls god save me) so i wrote this chapter to a lot of happy, upbeat, catchy music so...the angst was turned down a bit, i thought you guys deserved it ;)

There was nothing more in the world Kageyama wanted then his mother’s acceptance. He had already lost his father and now his mother? Technically, you could call him parentless.

But right now, he never felt so warm with Hinata’s body pressed up against his on the tiny hospital bed. It wasn’t all that hard to sneak Hinata back in with that small figure of his; he could easily slip past nurses and doctors without a notice.

Hinata had fallen asleep long before he did; Kageyama had been lying awake for hours now and couldn’t get his brain to shut down. It was all these thoughts going through his mind. The drama with his mother resulted in them not talking for days now; Kageyama hadn’t seen her since the argument. Plus the blackmail with Kuroo was stressing him out, he didn’t know what would happen if Hinata got caught.

To make it worse, Kageyama was going to be a father in over six months.

How the fuck did this happen all so quickly? He wasn’t ready for any of this, definitely not having a child at age sixteen.

How could he sleep with all that going on?

Kageyama watched Hinata’s chest move up and down in time with his breathing, he had never felt so happy but scared at the same time. Especially knowing that anytime Kuroo could attack him and do whatever he wanted.

“Kageyama?” Hinata yawned beside him, his eyes flickering open.

“Did I wake you?” Kageyama asked moving his arm around the smaller boy, watching as Hinata snuggled his head under Kageyama’s chin.

“No – not exactly...” Hinata croaked, “You need sleep, you know.”

“The thing is I can’t sleep with everything going on, you know?”

“I guess.” The smaller boy sighed, tracing patterns into Kageyama’s skin, “Kuroo came to see me today.” Hinata said in a smaller voice, hoping maybe Kageyama didn’t hear an inch of it.

“What happened?” He breathed out, loving the feel of Hinata’s warm breath against his skin, it made his heart ache with pleasure.

It was something Kageyama had never felt with anyone but him.

“My mother thinks he’s changed a lot.” Hinata bit his lip sitting up from his laid position and looking straight into Kageyama’s amazing blue eyes, “He convinced her that he went to a mental hospital and got a lot of help..”

“You’re mother knows what he did, right?” Kageyama asked concerned, absentmindedly rubbing the orange haired boys arm gently.

Hinata looked away biting his lip, suddenly interested in the wall behind him. It wasn’t that his mother didn’t know; it was just better if she didn’t know the….exact truth.  Hinata knew that if she knew the truth, she would never trust a soul with her son again.

“You mean you didn’t tell her?” Kageyama’s eyes widened letting his hand fall to the bed. How could Hinata not tell his own mother that the guy he was dating abused him…and he told someone? How did….Hinata hide his mother from it so well?

“There’s still a lot you don’t know about what happened when I went away.” Hinata confessed watching as Kageyama sat up as well, leaning against the horrible hospital pillow.

Kageyama knew a lot of things that happened to him….what more could there possibly be?

“I didn’t want to tell you this because I’m afraid you would look down on me.” Hinata gripped the sheets in his hands feeling his heart beat faster as Kageyama kept his eyes straight on him.

Kageyama frowned, “Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know…” Hinata shrugged blinking the tears out of his eyes, “Everyone does.”

Kageyama’s heart ached once again, Hinata had been through a lot and yet….Kageyama thought he’d been suffering the most.

“I mean I’ve already made the mistake twice…” Hinata took a deep breath ignoring his extreme tiredness, “The school had suggested that I started seeing the guidance counsellor. He was young, maybe in his mid-twenties. I mean he was kind of m-maybe a little attractive- I know it’s w-wrong to think that but…” Hinata paused watching the taller boys face carefully but getting nothing out of it.

“….but I couldn’t help but think that. So, um…I started to open up to him, telling him I liked boys and that people beat me down for it-“

“I don’t know if I like where this is going.” Kageyama interrupted unexpectedly, noticing how tired the boy looked in front of him.

“Just…listen to me.” Hinata continued on shuffling around on the bed, “At one point we exchanged phone numbers in case I needed someone in an emergency and uhm…at this point Kenma – my only friend - lost his memory and didn’t remember who I was. I didn’t meet Kuroo yet so I was feeling really, _really_ at loss and well…I rang him up.”

“You…” Kageyama ran his hands through his hair, “You get around a lot with the guys...”

Especially _the older ones..._

“We met up at his place….one thing lead to another and I woke up in his bed completely naked the next day.” Hinata said, ignoring Kageyama’s comment, “He started spreading rumours like a high school kid and he almost got fired.”

“Almost?”

“He played it off like I was the one who started the rumour because I was obsessed with him. I was suspended for a month; I had to do work that whole time and wasn’t allowed any time to myself.”

“I’m-“

“Sorry? I don’t need pity.” Hinata sighed breathless.

Kageyama shut his mouth, taking the whole story in and trying not to feel jealous that Hinata slept around with quite a few guys in only over a year.

The pair sat in silence for another twenty minutes, with Hinata almost falling asleep at one point. Kageyama knew that the story was incomplete but left it for the time being as he knew Hinata was tired-

“Do you…want to have a bath together?”

Or maybe not as much as Kageyama thought.

“N-now?”

“It doesn’t seem like any of us are sleeping anytime soon.” Hinata jumped off the bed walking over to the joined bathroom and flicking the lights on.

“What if someone comes?” Kageyama felt like a teenage girl with her boyfriend in the middle of night and sneaking out somewhere, it felt nice.

“No one will. We can lock the door, anyway.” Hinata smiled slightly, walking back over to him.

Kageyama loved that smile more than anything, if only he could smile a bit more himself.

Kageyama felt nervous, he had never seen Hinata naked before and vice-versa. The only person who had seen him fully naked was Mei and he had no idea how he did it.

He felt way more nervous now than back then.

“S-sure.” Kageyama whispered as Hinata helped him stand up, it was difficult as Kageyama was much heavier and taller than him but the two finally made it into the bathroom.

Kageyama carefully sat down on the edge of the bath – watching as Hinata begun to take off his shirt.

“My heart is pounding so hard.” Hinata mumbled when his shirt landed onto the bathroom tiles. Hinata reached out, grabbing Kageyama’s hand and placing it right over his heart.

Kageyama flinched, feeling Hinata’s pale, cold skin against his with the thumping of his heart pounding on his hand like it was trying to escape.

Kageyama was glad he wasn’t the only one.

“I’m sorry my body isn’t – like sexy or anything.” Hinata apologised in a murmur.

He was insane – because Kageyama loved everything about him, his skin, his eyes, the way he smiles, laughs and even his height.

“It is to me.” Kageyama whispered shyly feeling his cheeks go red in an instant.

 

In about half an hour, they were finally both undressed and in the warm bath on the separate sides. Hinata had to help Kageyama take off his clothes as the wound still was fragile – and in all honesty Kageyama didn’t know if he was supposed to get it wet.

He sat with his knees up and cheeks flushed from embarrassment, he had never done this with anyone and to do it with the person you like was the worst thing in history – why did Kageyama agree to it?

“Kageyama.” Hinata called softly.

“Y-yes?”

“I want you….to start calling me by my given name.” Hinata asked looking at Kageyama who avoided eye contact in every way he could.

“S-Shouyou?”

Hinata swore his heart skipped a beat.

 

**Three Days Later**

Kageyama was going to be released from the hospital in only a few days and he couldn’t feel anymore relieved – he felt locked up in a prison especially with the food they gave him. He had a few more check-ups with the doctor and was put on morphine as the pain got worse since it was healing. He hadn’t seen Shouyou since the other night, he hadn’t even texted him.

Kageyama was worried that something happened with Kuroo but he couldn’t afford to stress out anymore – he tried to distract himself with stupid apps on his phone and studying what he missed from school that Mei kindly brought to him. He had yet to get used to the small bump that was slowly growing each month and every time he saw her, he couldn’t help but feel guilty.

On the other hand, he hadn’t seen his mother since the argument and wouldn’t be surprised if she was passed out at home with alcohol in her hand.

But when the doctor came in to say he had a visitor – he definitely wasn’t expecting his mother to walk through the door.

And she didn’t look like a mess; she looked healthy like she had been taking care of herself which was a surprise.

 “Why the hell are you here?” Kageyama rolled his eyes, placing his phone down on the side table.

“To apologise.” Kayo sighed, walking into the room and sitting down on the chair near the bed, “I didn’t mean anything I said.”

“Then why say it in the first place?” Kageyama growled.

“I was shocked. I didn’t expect to walk in on you two like that.” Kayo shivered at the thought of it, “But I was thinking and I know I was harsh.”

“Mhm.”

“Look, I talked to Mei’s mother about the whole wedding thing and I can’t convince her to stop it.”

“You…actually tried to stop the wedding?”

Kageyama knew there had to be something wrong with his mother; she seemed so calm and stable. It was unlike her, and it felt…wrong.

“I did.” Kayo nodded, “And I also have a surprise visitor.”

“What do you mean a visitor?” Kageyama asked cautiously, hoping it wasn’t who he thought it was going to be. He never wanted to see his face again not after what he had told him.

“You’re father came back to us, Tobio.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhangers ruin ma life
> 
> ily all <3


	12. Goodbye To The Painful Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im finally posting!111!! omg!!!!
> 
> the reasons for not posting in forever is because:  
> 1\. ive been hurt & upset/too much drama and havent been in the mood  
> 2\. ive been working on my japanese  
> 3\. i possibly could be moving schools but idk  
> 4\. ive been playing too much osu  
> 5\. reading manga literally every second of the day  
> 6\. or playing legend of zelda  
> and once again  
> 7\. drama. drama. drama. drama.
> 
> idk if anyone is still reading this but fuck itttt.   
> i hope yall enjoy even tho its short but its the best i could do right now :)

“How are you feeling, Kageyama-san?” The nurse asked in a sickly sweet voice like Tobio was some five year old.

“Better than before.” Tobio fake smiled. But in reality, he felt like shit. He couldn’t help but worry about Shouyou whom hadn’t made any contact with him for days. He hadn’t seen Mei either which was strange considering she came to see him quite a lot since the attack.

Tobio had never felt so bored before, he’d rather be at school doing maths than sitting on a horrible hospital bed doing nothing all day.

“Kageyama!” Kiyomi beamed coming through the door with a startle. How can he be so damn loud?

“I’ll be back later.” The nurse whispered turning on her heel out of the small room.

“Hey man. How’re you feeling?”

Tobio gave him a death glare; he wasn’t going back to normal with Kiyomi like nothing happened. He slept with Shouyou and he was going to get what he deserved.

“Oh come on, Kageyama.” Kiyomi whined, pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, “You know I didn’t do it on purpose. I was d-r-u-n-k.”

“Are you sure you’re still not drunk?” Tobio leaned over, snatching the cigar from him, “You can’t smoke here, idiot.”

Kiyomi rolled his eyes, “Well?”

“Well what?” Kageyama snapped, dropping the smoke onto the bedside table.

“Have you talked to him lately?”

“Is that all you came here for?”

Tobio wasn’t surprised. Kiyomi was someone who seemed like he enjoyed drama and wanted in in all the gossip and the fact that Kiyomi slept with Hinata and he didn’t seem to feel sorry about it made the situation worse.

“What do you want me to say?” Kiyomi pulled out another cigarette from his pocket, lighting it as Tobio reached out to grab it off him again but Kiyomi backed away before Tobio’s hand could touch it.

“Nothing.” Kageyama sighed, leaning back into the pillow in defeat. If the smoke alarms went off, it was Kiyomi’s own fault.

“Oh yeah-“ Kiyomi blew a puff of smoke out, “I saw Hinata walking with some guy the other day. There seemed to be some tension in the air. I had never seen the guy around before but damn I’d bang him if-“

Tobio waved his hand as he took the information in. Of course it had to be Kuroo – who else could it have been?

“Did the guy have black hair?”

“Yeah. Why? Do you know him?”

“No. Not exactly..”

Kiyomi eyed him suspiciously but let it pass, Kageyama had been through enough and probably didn’t feel like explaining anything. Kiyomi knew just what he wanted to ask since he step foot in this room.

“So. What did it feel like?” Kiyomi grinned, placing the cancer stick back in his mouth.

“What did what feel like?” Tobio raised his eyebrows, his mind wondering to Hinata. He wanted to know if he was okay, but was scared to message him as Kuroo was probably moderating his messages like a hawk.

“The stabbing.”

“What a stupid question.” Tobio rolled his eyes, abruptly feeling tired than ever. Maybe it was because Tobio had barely spoken to anyone the whole time he’s been in this hell and he desperately wanted out.

“Tobio?” Mei unexpectedly popped her head in the door, stopping when she noticed someone else was in the room with him, “Oh. S-sorry.”

“No, no. It’s fine.” Kiyomi looked over at her, “I’ll be leaving. I’m Kiyomi, by the way.”

“Mei.” Mei nodded, bowing slightly as he rushes past her and out the door, “I brought your homework.”

“Thanks.” Kageyama mumbled taking the papers gently and setting them down next to him.

“That guy before,” Mei started, hesitating a bit, “Who was he?”

“Someone who works with my mother, that’s all.” Kageyama explained, eyeing Mei’s slight bump that had started to form. He couldn’t believe it. A human, a real thing was growing inside her, something that he created.

It was unbelievable and felt like a dream. Kageyama had created life with this girl, created an actual human being with a heart, feelings and everything above it.

Tobio suddenly felt guilty for everything, for thinking that he wished this child wasn’t his because in a way, he was sort of glad.

He wanted to be a good father, he didn’t want to turn out like his own and leave his child because he can’t be bothered to take care of it.

Maybe marrying Mei was the right thing to do and this was all happening because in reality, they were meant to be together but Tobio didn’t even realise it himself.

And even though he loved Shouyou more than anything, Tobio felt like this was his fate. And if he didn’t marry Mei and didn’t take care of this baby, he knew he would regret it for the rest of his life.

But….he knew he would also regret letting Shouyou go.

“I’ll marry you, Mei.” Tobio blurted out, their eyes meeting in one motion.

“W-what?” Mei stuttered in surprise, her cheeks heating up, “You really don’t have to. I can talk to my mother about it-“

“No, it’s fine.” Tobio smiled slightly, “I think it’s the right thing.”

“Y-you think so?” Mei’s face lit up in excitement, as much as she tried to hide her happiness, she couldn’t. It was impossible.

“It’s a big decision.” Tobio nodded, “But, maybe this is what’s supposed to happen, you know?”

“Yeah.” Mei blushed, “I can talk to my mother about it – or we both can-“

A loud ring filled with room and to Tobio’s surprise – it wasn’t coming from Mei’s phone. But his own which sat next to him on the bedside table.

_Hinata Shouyou Calling.._

Of course it was him. Hinata always had bad timing with everything, should Kageyama ignore it? Or should he answer?

“Shouyou?” Tobio’s voice was strained, he didn’t know what to expect. He hadn’t heard from him in days. Tobio wasn’t so sure he should keep calling him Shouyou or not.

“Kageyama!” Shouyou’s voice was echoed, like he was in a bathroom. Tobio was worried for him, because Tetsurou could be with him or…he could’ve hurt him. He knew what Tetsurou was capable of and he desperately didn’t want Shouyou to get hurt.

And yet…Kageyama was going to hurt him way more than Tetsurou ever could. He had no idea how he was going to break the news to Shouyou. Or, maybe he didn’t have to and he would find out when getting the invitation. If he was getting invited, Tobio didn’t know anything about what was happening.

“Kageyama.” Shouyou’s voice turned into a soft whisper, it sounded like he was in pain, like he was trying not to be heard, “Please, help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows when the next update will be   
> but im not stopping this story until ive completed it c;


	13. A Long-Waited Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> did anyone miss me!!!haahhaha probably not

“He hit me.” Shouyou whimpered, his voice shaking with every word, “He locked me in the bathroom. I’m trying to be as quiet as I can.”

Tobio’s heart jumped out of his chest, Tetsurou hurt him, and Tobio wasn’t there to protect him. He felt useless with his wound but he knew he needed to help.

“I don’t think he knew I had my phone on me.” Shouyou whispered, “He whipped my arm, there’s blood everywhere…Tobio.”

“Don’t worry.” Tobio tried to calm him down but it was hard to do so when he couldn’t calm down himself, “Don’t panic, you’ll be okay.”

There was silence and Tobio wondered if Shouyou passed out or Tetsurou came back. But both of those things were a horrible thought. The vision of Shouyou lying on the bathroom floor in a puddle of blood or Tetsurou slamming the door open and creating more of a mess.

“Shouyou.” Tobio mumbled, “Does the window open?”

“Let me see.” Shouyou shuffled around, the sounds of him standing on the toilet echoes through the phone, “It opens.” Shouyou breathed out, “But it’s tiny. I don’t know if I’ll fit.”

“Try.” Tobio ordered, “Try it, for me.”

“Hold on, then.” Shouyou tucked the phone into his pocket hustling himself up to the window. He fit, but it was super tight. Shouyou sighed, squeezing himself through the tight gap before hitting the ground with a grunt. He was still bleeding but it wasn’t as bad.

Shouyou wiped the tears from his eyes as he pulled out the phone from his pocket, “I got out.”

“Thank god.” Tobio mumbled under his breath, “Come to the hospital, right now.”

***

“Is everything okay?” Mei asked when Tobio placed the phone back down on the table.

“Fine.” Tobio reassured, “Shouyou is on his way over.”

“Oh.” Mei looked down, “I see. How are things with you two?”

Tobio looked over at Mei and saw the jealousy in her eyes. Mei was clearly still in love with him and Tobio didn’t know what to do about it. Even though he agreed to marry her he wasn’t sure what his feelings would turn out to be. Mei was pretty, small and just like Shouyou despite the personality difference.

“We’re okay.” Tobio answered, “Don’t feel bad. This is my decision and hopefully Shouyou can support that.”

Mei sighed, “Don’t you think it’s a bit cruel?”

Tobio never expected Mei to say that, he would think she would go along with it no matter what happened with him and Shouyou.

“What do you mean?” Tobio bit his lip knowing exactly what she meant.

“I mean you love him, don’t you?” Mei questioned, furrowing her eyebrows, “How could you love someone, break their heart and marry someone you don’t feel anything for?”

“You make me sound like a jerk.” Tobio murmured. Mei had a point though, Tobio really wanted to be with Shouyou but he also wanted to be a part of the child’s life.

“You don’t have to marry me to be a father.” Mei smiled, “I know you’ll be a good father, Tobio. Please really think about this, okay?”

“Okay.” Tobio agreed, “I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you.” Mei leaned in, kissing his cheek quickly before stepping back.

***

As soon as Hinata entered the hospital, a nurse came rushing to his side immediately and treated him. It was stinging, a lot, but he could endure it for now. It was nothing like Tobio went through, Hinata was glad to run away from Tetsurou. He was afraid of him; he didn’t want to get hurt anymore. All he wanted was to live happily with Tobio but that seemed impossible. Once they wrapped a bandage around his arm, he raced towards Tobio’s room almost tripping over the in process. It had been days since he last seen him and all Shouyou wanted to do was be in his arms.

“Kageyama-“ Shouyou cut himself off when he saw Mei sitting on the edge of his bed with her small bump. He felt jealous pang in his chest, it hurt more than his injury. Shouyou couldn’t help it, there was something about Mei that made him feel insecure. Mainly because Mei had been closer to Tobio than he had gotten. They’ve barely kissed, or even gotten close to do anything.

“Hinata!” Mei gasped at the sight of his blood-stained bandage. The bright white was now dark red.

Shouyou felt dizzy as he stepped into the hospital room that was filled with the scent of he knew all too well, Tobio. The atmosphere seemed calm but heated, like they were talking about something serious but stopped when they saw the sight of him. The deep feeling in his chest arose again.

“Tobio.” Shouyou whispered, tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, or show emotion with Mei in the room. He wanted to be alone with Tobio, and no one else. Tobio didn’t say a word as a tear dropped down Shouyou’s cheek. Everyone was staring at him with pity, and he hated it. Shouyou didn’t want to feel this way but in reality, he was crying because of Mei more than anything else.

“You too need to sort things out.” Mei suddenly said with a determined voice. She stood up from her position on the bed and walked swiftly over to Hinata. Next to each other, they were about the same height. Mei looked Shoyou straight into the eye, “Please, he needs you more than you need him right now.”

Shouyou nodded and Mei smiled before walking out of the room and closing the door behind her softly. Shouyou stood awkwardly a few feet away from Tobio. The noise of the clock filled the silence of the room. But Tobio leant over and pulled Shouyou by his uninjured arm and into his lap.

“I’ll hurt you-“ Shouyou protested, but felt Tobio’s lips cut him off. Shouyou melted into his embrace that felt too warm and made his heart fuzzy. It made him forget about his problems, especially his bleeding arm.

“I was thinking of marrying Mei.” Tobio started, breathless, “But when I saw you again, I completely changed my mind.”

“Y-you were thinking about it?” Shouyou asked for confirmation, he couldn’t believe his ears. Tobio was considering leaving him and running to Mei?

“I was. I’m sorry.” Tobio sighed, “I’m a horrible person.”

“No. No, you’re not. You deserve nothing that happened to you.” Shouyou reassured, leaning his forehead against Tobio’s.

“You too. Why were you gone for so long?”

Shouyou tensed up, slowly climbing off Tobio’s lap. Tobio looked at him concerned, he felt rage fill his chest when Shouyou avoided eye contact with him.

“It’s a long story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry pls leave me a kudos and comment it will encourage me :)


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